The Elephant and the Fly - a Final Note

by KLIM 

Here I am, writing in the blog again, a little rusty, a little too distant from my Art of Living days. Somehow forced by the AoL/Ravi Shankar to do what they wanted to have me punished for: writing.

As many of you know, several months after I said good-bye to "Leaving the Art of Living - Confessions of a Guruholic" and its activities, Skywalker and I received a subpoena. AoL wanted to have our identities disclosed to sue us for defamation, trade libel, copyright infringement, publishing “trade secrets”.

Thanks to the brilliant work and tireless dedication of our attorney, Joshua Koltun, we won against defamation, trade libel, copyright infringement and created a precedent in US law by refusing to require the disclosure of our identities. In fact, the Court ruled that the case against Skywalker could even proceed to trial without Skywalker having to disclose his identity. And the case against me was dismissed completely.

If we had gone to trial (which we were willing to), they faced the risk of losing and making their manuals and Sudarshan Kriya notes public. So they agreed to settle the case, and we agreed because the proposed settlement did not require any compromise on our part. We are not required to pay anything, or to compromise our rights of free speech.

Clearly, the risk that the manuals and Sudarshan Kriya notes might be deemed to be without any legal protection meant the risk of losing clients and income (no doubt, their main motivation behind the law suit) as they would then lose control over everything they claim work only under the grace of the guru, and by allowing people see the extent of magical thinking and irresponsibility behind their teachings.

I have no doubt Ravishankar will most likely present this as a, “I forgave them. Karma will take care.” Well, I am glad a good lawyer and a lucid justice system took care instead!

I consider this a victory not only in Court, but also, a tribute to freedom of speech, and, above all, vindication for victims of cult abuse!

They did not manage to censor us and have our blogs removed from the internet. I have to do what I  already had done two years ago: freeze the blog (contrary to their psychic interpretations, I was no longer active in the blog world, or interested in discussing AoL), and Skywalker has agreed to do what he was planning to do anyway: freeze his! (see what he has to say). Moreover, they did not manage to have us censored either for the rest of our lives nor anyone else out there. In fact, check out Obi-Wan's blog, “Life Beyond the Art of Living” (you can post your comments on this note there). And they will kindly pay our attorney’s fees (and theirs!). All right, and we publish a joint declaration!

Only hard core true-believers will keep believing his/their nonsense arguments. No one otherwise will be able to deny the rulings of the US court: “dismissed with prejudice”. (Wikipedia: “If the case ends with prejudice, the effect on the defendant (for the purpose of punishment) is the equivalent to a finding of not guilty and they cannot be retried.”).

Once, at a Guru Purnima, Ravi criticized Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, his guru, for using fear to control his people. According to him, that was Maharishi’s way to prevent people from joining him in the Art of Living (similar, perhaps, to what he tried to do with the blogs, together with countless lies and vicious random attacks based on futile suspicions?).

“You can lead through love or fear. Love is more powerful”, he said, implying he was doing that. Well, maybe that is why he did not get what he wanted in court. He tried everything except love! Fear, falsely defaming anyone he could, threatening, harassing, and again, fear and more fear. Imagine that at the very very end, in a desperate attempt, they even tried to file a lawsuit against another former teacher too! And again, dismissed with prejudice! Skywalker, Klim, AND the ex teacher!

What they could not understand was this was a matter of principles and that no one in the world fears him/them. In the world, at first glance, AoL comes out as a religious cult and, Sri Sri Ravishankar, regardless of all the prizes and titles they try to collect to build his senseless sense of grandiosity, a charlatan. In fact, we were willing to sacrifice for freedom of speech, for exposing cult abuse and for making people question if Art of Living is one.

Though having a legal battle was cumbersome, I do not regret at all having started the blog. It all only further convinced me I had done the right thing. Someone had to take the first step. And thanks to Skywalker (and many other Does), the “tradition” continues! However, I am excited to finally be Art of Living free. I had started the blog for that reason. I am finally there! I wish the same to everyone who left and to those who are still stuck in it. And to those who cannot decide or fear not “making” it without it/him, do not doubt a bit! There is life out here and a much better one too!!! READ! Read as much as you can! (there are other sites that present the other side of AoL/RS!). QUESTION! Question as much as you can! You are free to do so and it won't hurt anyone's prana! TRUST! Trust your intuition! Trust your gut feeling! Trust yourself! DARE! Dare to be happy! Dare to be free! RUN! "Run Forrest! Run!" :)

Healing is not easy. It takes time. I still am, for example, struggling to overcome health problems induced by the practice of SK and the psychological abuse. However, despite the threats, the difficulties and the pain I endured these years, I only have but immense gratitude for having had the courage to leave, stay away, and face my mistakes and weaknesses. Gratitude to my family, the many friends and professionals who accompanied me throughout the process.

People have continued reading this blog and sending comments. I take this opportunity to apologize to all those whose comments did not get posted. I checked out for real June 4, 2010. I took this chance to re read many posts and comments. My heartfelt thank you to so many beautiful, inspiring, sincere comments, readers and fellow colleagues! You helped me too in my healing process! If inspired, who knows, one day, I will write again, and I hope you will be there too.

There will always be scars but the wounds are healed. I will always ask myself how and why I joined a cult, and remind myself of my vulnerabilities and mistakes. This will prevent me from falling prey again of such situations and characters, and remember to remain humble. I have, since then, lost ingenuity, the narcissistic need of “saving" someone and/or the world, the low self-esteem of handing my power to someone else. Most importantly, I can sniff scams from far away!

One day, “art of living” will only be a whisper I won’t even hear. I have concluded, there is only one guru: oneself. Only one path: one’s life. Only one cause: one’s own.

... I can almost hear him say in his quirky voice, “and the elephant did not even know there was a fly on his leg!” Ah, Ravi Ravi, stop being a fly!!!!

Thank you ALL for your support. Infinite thanks to our lawyer, Joshua Koltun, the true "seva warrior"! I wish you all the best in a cult free life!

This was truly, at last, a real "victory to the big mind"! Consider it yours too!

“Good morning! And in case I don't see ya’, 
good afternoon, good evening, and good night!”  

(The Truman Show) 

You can find further information regarding this litigation in www.koltunattorney.com 
You can view the Joint Declaration here

Violence and deceit promotes you

A common satsang question was, “Why are you surrounded by such horrible people?” A usual clever Ravishankar response was, “because they’d do more damage in the world” (implying it was his “seva” to keep them close to him). Witty. People laughed, some applauded. I have never met anyone with such a talent - an expert orator, creative liar, most brilliant manipulator. They say Hitler, Mao, Stalin, Castro possessed this skill with the words too - mesmerized and hypnotized the masses.

When I joined “the club” I believed spiritual qualities, values and growth was what promoted someone or made someone a Part 1, Part 2 or meditation teacher. With time, I realized anyone could become a teacher (in fact, in some areas, you can do so in 3 weeks: TTC1 and TTC2), even those with violent psychopathology. Furthermore, the ones most capable of extortion, distortion, manipulation and violence were the ones who got promoted the most to higher positions.

“Here is this evolved soul who will teach my advanced course.” Wrong. In the AoL violence and deceit is what qualifies someone for promotion. Let’s face it. How qualified and evolved does one need to be in order to play the Hollow and Empties while the class undergoes trance induction, keeps silence, cleans toilets and does dishes, and if someone wants to leave, you tell them and the class it is a sign of their weakness, fears and ego? How difficult is to teach meditation when mantras are listed and given by age and gender? How advanced does one need to be to physically, verbally and psychological abuse in DSN? How deep does one need to be to press play for people to breath in and out with “So Ham So Ham So Ham”, and recite, “Expectations reduce the joy in life”, “accept people as they are”, etc.?

If you carefully observe, the people Shankar coincidentally places in position of power are the ones quickest and best in manipulating and lying without any ounce of remorse. “The means justifies the end”, stated Machiavelli. I learned the meaning of this in the AoL, though even today I cannot agree with it. How can one create a better world if values are corrupted in the process? What good can be created if it is done with “bad”? What kind of apples will a tree grow out of a rotten seed? What kind of education, moral values, role models will people act upon if what they learn is crookedness is what gets awarded, celebrated, promoted? Is this the man who claims will “change the world”? If this is the methodology he proposes to implement the change, I rather it all remains as it is. At least, “in the world”, I have encountered a lot more people with ethical and moral values, conscience, and most importantly, discrimination between correct and incorrect.

I know of teachers and board members who have secretly falsified signatures, or fabricated emails someone did not write, or stolen money, or simply, lied, lied, lied. Just recently a friend who left the organization found out, they were using a bank account under her name to organize courses! To her dismay, they did not seem to understand the unethical and immoral aspect of it. “They were just being ‘practical’”, they explained. And, instead of apologizing, they were offended by her demand to immediately cancel the account. Other than the financial implication, using a bank account with the name of a former teacher indirectly implied she still supported AoL activities - deceitful in many ways. In the world, such action is labeled as unethical, illegal, immoral, whereas in the AoL it is “practicality”. Anything in the name of the greater cause.

Another friend still whines about not having ever been promoted to advanced course teacher despite her seniority, sadhana and unconditional seva. She is convinced she never evolved in the path. She still cannot understand she was too nice, gullible and naïve! Being "evolved" in the AoL means, being crooked, not having values or sense of morale, and being capable of anything “for the greater cause” = “the interests of the guru.” (Ravi gives many vegetarian brownie points for such behaviors!)

One will never find a correct, ethical, deep, genuinely nice person in a position of power or leadership in AoL, though for the public they may project great PR skills. I always struggled with this distorted model that was presented as “the best form of spirituality”.

Some of the most senior teachers have histories of violence that seem never to disturb Ravi. One of his all-time most senior teachers is known for his physical violence but whenever incidents were reported to Ravi, he nodded in disbelief, turned around, made the victims into the aggressors and losers, demoted them and instead, promoted the aggressor. I know of at least four women (though there are more than 4) this TTC, Part 2, Sahaj, etc. teacher, assaulted, and had the “privilege” to witness one of the incidents. He was physical with two of them, almost seriously injuring the head of one of them, and he strangled the other two. The funny thing is – big AoL secret - one of the people he tried strangling is another one of the most senior teachers (Part 2, Sahaj, TTC, etc.), also known for her disproportionate violence, apparently right in front of Ravi (aren’t you wishing I gave names at this point?)! In the world this is known as criminal offense: “attempted murder”, but Shankar instead promoted them both to advanced course teachers, and higher positions thereafter! (Perhaps, for having had the audacity to strangle someone and the other for fighting back? Kinky! Perhaps if they choked each other to death then, they would have spared many people from later abuses.)

The other teacher is known for throwing things, e.g. chairs, forks, knives, even an entire painting over the head of someone while yelling the life out of the person (yes, like in the cartoons or movies, except cartoon characters are not real, and in movies, professional extras and special effects are used).

Once she completely lost her head for some little incident in a store of the neighborhood of a family that hosted her (common complain of many of her hosting families). She yelled and cursed the store owner in such outrageous manner the family is not welcome to return to that store! Not every family member was involved in AoL, thus they properly asked the question, “Doesn’t AoL teach people to control their emotions and transmit peace?” Back then, a brain-washed true-believer myself, I patiently explained about pita imbalance and how because she is so evolved she feels everything, blablabla. She herself justified, as usual, as expressing the repressed anger of the person in front of her.

Cursing, kicking, abusing and all, knowing her irrational violence and temper tantrums, Ravi promoted her to Blessings course teacher. “One can never understand the Big Mind,” devotees correctly explain. Excuse me, where is the “big mind”? A histrionic top “role model”, teacher trainer who has often publicly cursed the guru himself, teaching Blessings courses. Go figure.

Or you have the story of the senior teacher who has people line up for darshan, whose picture many people place in their altar, who has affairs though he himself is married. We know his wife suffers with the incidents. Who knows how many families he has broken though! Despite knowing about his extracurricular activities, Ravi promoted him to Rishi – the married saint. Go figure!

I will never forget the conversation I heard between one of the most dynamic teachers and another one (who had been her student), wondering why she never got promoted, instead the lousy horrible ones were, etc. Her student's reply was loud and clear, "Because you are too nice."

I have myself witnessed and been informed of TTC teachers slapping students, throwing water at them, etc. in the name of their tough egos. Participants would be gathered to swear they would never talk about the incident. This is an indication even the teachers knew it was wrong but they’d justify it “for the greater cause.” Poor people believed they helped students move forward. Somehow, the participants also knew it was wrong but they also were persuaded to believe it was for their own good. At the end of the day, they bowed down to their teachers “in tears of gratitude” or rather, in stretched psychological dissonance, like the beaten wife who rushes back to the husband, with broken ribs, fractured jaw, because she was made to believe he loves her and it was all for her own good.

A senior old time teacher who was often described as "Hitler" to even RS himself, even in official letters asking she was removed ... TTC teacher and leader of an entire area, and more. Another old timer who was known for sending Nazi propaganda ... advanced course senior teacher. Go figure.

In DSN I saw teachers literally physically drag students into a dark closet after confessing they were afraid of dark, enclosed areas. The yelling and shivering of the person was an indication of the tough ego that needed to be cracked. The more the person did not calm down, the more the teacher would uncontrollably yell at the person. Note under such stress, people who suffer of claustrophobia can break down into a panic attack, choke to death or fear, or have a psychotic breakdown. But of course, “the ego and the greater cause”, and the “grace of the guru” is there to protect you. In the world, it is irresponsibility, and if something happens to the person, it is a crime (though I am sure AoL would explain it in terms of karma).

I wonder though, are the students the ones with the big egos or the teachers and the guru? These are only a few examples of what teachers of high level courses or in positions of power hide behind the “fake it until you make it” smile, “walking like a king, being a perfect servant.” In the AoL, such people get promoted, whereas in the world they get reported, treated, locked up or medicated.

Conclusion: if you want to be important in the AoL, either have a lot of money, or think and act like a mafia godfather or better, learn Thai-box, to kick and punch, with style … and a smile.

20-40-40

There are many stories about Sudarshan Kriya and courses gone bad, except we all kept them secretive in order to sell more and because the problem was never with the Master or the technique, as per his talks on the 3 types of doubts. However, I know of many people who ended up in psychiatric hospitals with no possibility of recovery – serious psychotic disorders, after a TTC or DSN. I know of people who had heart attacks, hormonal dysfunction, etc. after practicing Sudarshan Kriya. I heard many similar stories from other people. Of course, we were dissonant enough to find reasons to justify each situation, e.g. he/she was not doing it right, past life, not enough grace, not enough surrender. As usual, AoL/SSRS are perfect, the problem is always somewhere else.

I was most disappointed when I found out not even the home kriya was created by “Sri Sri Ravishankar.” Apparently, a senior teacher of his insisted people needed a formula otherwise noone would continue the practices. Thus, this teacher, a former TM teacher who is also no longer in the movement, came up with the 3 rounds of 20-40-40 and wrote the teacher's manual and possibly the kriya notes too! Actually, Ravishankar does not even know what he is doing when chanting So Ham So Ham So Ham. People are obviously going to feel something if you take them to exaggerated rhythms of the breath, from very fast to suddenly slow, etc. It is not about the grace of the guru, it is physics and hyperventilation. Even the pranayama and bhastrika did not come from his own knowledge. He learned them from a teacher who is also no longer with him, who in turn learned it from a Kundalini yoga master. I was most upset when I heard this and understood why he always spoke so badly about Kundalini yoga. I once witnessed him slapping a boy after he told him he was not getting what he wanted in the path with him and that he wanted to go to a Kundalini Yoga organization. After slapping him he warned him people get brain-washed and murdered in Kundalini yoga!

The “poorna yoga” taught for many years was also not his. A teacher of his, who is no longer with him, introduced it. Sri Sri Yoga is also not his. It was brought by a teacher who left the organization many years and later returned. I understand it is a perfect imitation of another yoga school and not a big deal of a yoga after all. DSN is an imitation of Landmark, of which Nitin (rishi) attended before AoL, which is today wildly known as a cultic movement and that many people suffered serious psychological damages. YES+ was put together by the dynamic psychotic Bawa and Dinesh duo (when are they coming out of the closet?).

Knowing all of the above (and the names of the people involved), if they were all true, I am confused as to whom I should have bowed down to or be grateful to all these years. The ones who are truly behind the techniques, or the one who claims to have created them all?!

Many magical thinking stories were told about the kriya tape too. We were taught to believe one needed the grace of the guru in order for it to work, and when one was disgraced, it would not work. There were stories such as someone not being able to use the tape all of a sudden because Ravi did not bless him/her to use it. Tapes were given out almost ceremoniously. Sadly, once someone got the tape, they also got a big dosage of arrogance and stupidity. More than a blessing, that tape was a curse. People fought because of it. For heaven’s sake! It is just a tape of a lousy recording and it is now available ON-LINE! (he claims it does not work without his blessings, when in fact, it is what he wants everyone to believe in order to have power over everyone - as long as people believe these stories and in his "powers", he can keep manipulating, lying and stealing, and the Sudarshan Kriya remains a magical "savior" technique. People, it is basic irresponsible hyperventilation with negative effects in the long term!).

Once, upon his request, I needed to reproduce some tapes. Until then I thought there was some sacred ceremony in the process of reproducing tapes, but instead, he said, “Anytime. Just do it.” I insisted, “Any time? Hour? Should I not do anything special?” “No, any time. OK, Monday, Shiva day sounds good.”

He invents rules and processes as the needs arise, though I know his official reproducers do have specific instructions and they feel "very special people". Of course, he needs to keep the lies going and ensure people believe in the sanctity of the tape. Without it, he looses power.

Where is the grace or the magical touch of the Guru if the Sudarshan Kriya found on-line can be downloaded and effectively used entirely without any problem? I still have my tapes and, once in a while, I check them just for fun, to see if the “grace” is still there. Dear friends, they still work 100% and they have not evaporated. Does that mean the guru is still blessing me? I am so lucky!

There was a time people carried their diplomas proudly after finishing law school, med school, engineering school, etc. Imagine people stupidly proudly carrying A TAPE wrapped in a piece of silk as a symbol of evolution! A tape that chants So Ham for 30 minutes, is blank for 15, chants for 5 and then, poorly plugged in, "turn to the right side". Something is so very wrong … and it is not the tape.

“Be scared, Be very scared!!!!"

This first one was sent by someone in the Northeast of the USA, most likely a teacher and board member:

"Dearest xxx, Jai Gurudev. I know you are hurting but do not say or do anything that you will regret later on. With Lots of Love"

Notice how it is sugar coated threat between "Jai Gurudev" and "With lots of love", twisting the meanings of words to accomplish goals.

Here's another, less subtle than the last, written by someone in San Carlos, California:

"Dear Klim (xxx, whatever), Some of what you say in the previous blogs is true. However, now you are talking about pure rumor. Playing in a game way out of your league. Be scared, Be very scared!!!!”

When Guruphiliac started posting stuff about AoL, they also wrote to a couple teachers who had left, accusing and asking them to stop writing bad things about them. On this occasion, they again wrongly accused someone of creating this blog, someone whose only crime was to share information I have revealed a few times. Is sharing a crime or should we all still be promoting courses and the greatness of Sri Sri Ravi Shankar despite it all?

Am I wrong or are these threats? This is how secrets are kept in the AoL. This is how many who leave don’t have the courage nor the energy to speak out. This is classical cult behavior. I am almost glad these messages were sent so that people can see how they operate. Cult members lose their integrity and values when it comes to defending the organization. I imagine discussions are taking place deciding how to handle the “situation”, brainstorming possible authors of the blog, thus the same person was picked on twice, hoping to intimidate, confabulating strategies, lies, if necessary. What a déjà vu! Excuse me, WHERE IS THE SPIRITUALITY? Is this not more like business acting without accountability, credibility, ethics?

They picked the wrong person. Threatening the wrong people, or anyone as a matter of fact, is a mistake and it reveals a lot about the true nature of the organization and its leader. On the other hand, what can they do that they have not already done to any one of us? Humiliate, torture psychological and emotionally, lie, physically attack, harass, deprive of freedom, abuse, defraud? Murder is the only thing I have yet not heard of.

When information is restricted and handled through intimidation, censorship, threat, manipulation, it is, among many other things, DECEIT. If, despite knowing the other side, someone chooses to still go for it, then, that is real value, victory. That truly is when “losing is winning” (see
http://www.deeshaa.org/2010/01/21/in-love-losing-is-winning/), but Ravi and co. may be too narcissistic to understand this. Making such efforts to keep the organization free of flaws for the public is unreal and corrupt. “Looking for perfection is imperfection,” said Sri Sri Sri Ravishankar - yet he does not understand it himself. (Even Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie fart. Believe it or not, Ravi also farts. I can corroborate that but not present solid proof).

I hope others contribute their stories. It is about time more people drop their fears and come out of the cave. They can do nothing but threat. I wonder who is really scared. I have suggested my friend whom they are accusing to inform the authorities or a lawyer. If people haven’t yet, I hope the cult alert signal starts ticking in their heads. As far as I am concerned, sharing ones experience is NOT a crime. For heaven’s sake! AoL events are all about sharing! (public talks, courses, esatsang, so many hours in just boring sharing!). And now suddenly sharing is wrong? Or is it about sharing only what Ravi approves?

I have some news for the AoL damage control team--this is a free world, and it is our birthright to be able to speak out the truth and share our experiences and that of others in the interest of healing. I will continue as long as I feel so inspired, and stop only when I am ready to stop. AoL and “SSS” may once have controlled every aspect of my life, but now, no longer. You may have robbed me of years of my life but can never take away my freedom of speech.

The farce is clear. More than a spiritual movement, it is the Gestapo.

The Sri Sri Sweatshop

A sweatshop is a working environment with unhealthy conditions that are considered by many people of industrialized nations to be difficult or dangerous, usually where the workers have few opportunities to address their situation. This can include exposure to harmful materials, hazardous situations, extreme temperatures, or abuse from employers. Sweatshop workers often work long hours for little pay, regardless of any laws mandating overtime pay or a minimum wage. (wikipedia)

It is indeed great business what Ravishankar has created for himself. He charges good money for his courses (the ones he did not really invent himself, from Part 1 to TTC, and creates many prerequisites, eg. If you want to do DSN, you need to have done ….), he asks for donations, he gets people to do things for free for him, he registers as a non-profit to avoid paying taxes, and has free, cheap, ilegal labor, and calls the whole thing “seva” – karma yoga.

As a former exploited AoL full-timer, I cannot blame him for having exploited me. How can I? I accepted the terms. But, I can, correctly, say he deceived me. He used me, squeezed the juice and life out of me, mistreated me, abused me and tossed me.

Some full timers worked and produced more than others. However, there was not a coherent system that took care of the teachers or compensated them according to results. Some full-timers did absolutely nothing yet got enough pocket money to survive, while living off people’s good will. In general though, the stipend was not enough. Full-timers had the habit of never saying how much each one earned because we all knew we got different amounts. Stipends varied in the US, from as low as USD400 to USD 1000, the same amount in euros in Europe, no home, no medical insurance, no retirement plan. Needless to mention, we could not afford any of that with what we got. Until recently, European teachers could consider the German ashram their home, but now they also need to pay to stay there.

Until recently, teachers in the West taught for free, and some even covered expenses of courses. In general, getting expenses reimbursed was also a struggle. I know, however, that in the past 2, 3 years RS started giving teachers of certain areas 10% of the income of the course, probably as an incentive for them to create larger courses. In some countries, the 10% policy is yet not applied. However, in India and some countries of Asia, it’s been practiced for at least 10 years. Indian full-timers got the most since they had stipend, 10% of courses, and received many donations from students. If any one of them was sent out to the West, it was good income, for courses others organized for them, and to which they just walked in like kings and queens, under the weird assumption that being Indian automatically made one more evolved. The overall system was not neither even nor fair.

Full time teachers in the West always struggled. It was never enough. Try living from USD 400, even USD 1000, without a home and medical insurance. Most “gypsied” around from home to home, staying in people’s couches, or air mattresses, or even closets! If one ever got sick, one had to pray, like RS suggested in those cases, or he’d say, “Oh, we have so many doctors in the AoL.” It was definitely a terrible way to live, even begging for medical treatments. If one was a traveling teacher, one simply could never go back for second check-ups or even treatments since one depended on finding an AoL doctor one needed in the area one was in that exact week of the ailment. And of course, pray or seduce some devotee to pay for the treatment and medication. It simply makes no sense. He sells “quality of life” and “health” yet he gives it to none of his teachers, and truthfully, he could careless about them.

A friend of mine, a full time teacher was advised by her doctor to take immediate rest. Her health was at risk due to high level of stress (I guess SK does not reduce stress after all). When she went to Ravishankar with the news, he frowned and said, “No, no, no, you keep teaching, there is no time.” No time for what? No time for him to conquer the world? Or no time for her to take care of her health?

Another full time teacher got so sick from overwork, excessive travel and poor living conditions, she could not even move around. She actually developed quite a few diseases and had no choice but to stop everything. In fact, she could not move nor eat. She was one of the most dynamic teachers who produced a lot of devotees and money, yet, when this happened, he removed her from the lousy stipend for as long as she did not go back on the road – the money she needed for medical bills. Since she had nowhere to stay, like most full timers of the West, she went to an ashram and, the ashram assumed they’d charge her for the stay.

Did the money teachers make not go to the organization: the maintenance of these ashrams and seva projects after all? Ravi so often said, “You do my job, I take care of you.” In the practice, it was not like that. We were double taxed: first made to donate all the money of the courses one produced, organized and taught, but also pay the organization. Upon the complains of this teacher, the responses were (the typical AoL phrase for everything that cannot be properly justified), “This is just to make you stronger. This is to make your faith unshakable so that you can be one with God. This is a test to see how much you can trust and surrender to the guru.” Instead of seeing she had a point, they made her into the weak devotee, and an overall drama queen. Looking back, she was right. It was unfair, incorrect and abominable.

There was another full-time teacher to whom the organization owed more than USD 10,000. He fought so hard to get the amount reimbursed (with a stipend as low as the ones mentioned, any amount was a fortune!). The board was disorganized and cared more about their status rather than the duties. The guru did not care despite all the requests for help. Finally, under a lot of obvious pressure, he stepped firm to get the money, and, not only was he not reimbursed by the organization, but by a devotee almost 12 months later, and the board warned him to watch out “because they’d destroy him” for having told on Ravi about their incompetence. Who did Ravi protect in that situation? The board that had gone out to destroy the poor person, with lies and sabotage, instead of the teacher who had done so much work for him so many years. It was not about values, truth or loyalty. It was about business. It was better to lose one rather than many. It was more promising to support those who are crooked rather than those who have values. Machiavellic.

Of course, again, I take responsibility for having bought the fraud but, when I signed up for it, this is not what they showed me. They sold me a beautiful package of seva, spirituality, altruism. I did not know about the frauds of the seva projects, I did not imagine all the Sri Sri enterprises he’d eventually create, the houses Ajay would buy, the jewelry Bhanu would carry, and the extravagantly luxurious life he’d lead. He told me I had nothing to worry about, that he’d take care of all of my needs. After the first year of romance, he did not take care of anything nor care. (You know the poem “I promise”? Well, you can imagine what I think of it today. Beautiful BS).

There was a full time teacher who was absolutely dynamic, incredible, she started many centers in Europe. She was amazing but she got pregnant. I still today cannot believe he turned his back on her that very moment. She got a low stipend all those years, of course she had no savings, no medical insurance, no home, and a baby to take care of. She was immediately on her own the minute she was of no use to him any longer. And as quickly as she got pregnant, she was forgotten in the movement.

The lack of financial support and accountability created a lot of stress in the full-time teachers community. Even though HE taught us to have faith in him, reminded us he’d take care of us, that we’d never be without a place to stay, food to eat, we all worried, regardless of the age, number of years with RS, number of years serving the organization. The longer we were in the movement, the more we knew the organization did not take care of anything. We had all had our own experiences, yet we all had hidden hopes something would change, and sometimes, we believed it was about “cleaning karma”. Many teachers ended up finding ways to ensure their future in corrupt manners. I knew of a senior teacher who manipulated their students to donate a lot of money at the end of the TTC for his personal account. Even when I was a devotee, I thought that was dirty, yet Ravi was proud of his astute teacher, he actually got more and more promoted. Using the status of a senior teacher, someone even went as far as getting a wealthy devotee to put a down payment on a house for him (they learned from the best, what can I say). Most senior full timers I knew were constantly complaining about all the exploitation that went on. You’d be surprised to know most star teachers have been complaining non-stop about the exploitation and unethical practices of the AoL and wish to quit every other minute. They are all so unhappy but put on the happy AoL face when they meet students/clients. Most don’t have the courage to leave. “What will I do if I leave?” Somehow, one is trapped by this idea he inflicted in us that we’d never make it in the world. That, no matter how terrible it all was in the organization, it was better than in the world.

I remember a star teacher who whined all the time. He was so stressed out about his lack of money and home, he finally told Ravi he wanted a job. Ravi told him he’d never make it in the world. The poor guy actually was quite incompetent in the world before joining the AoL, but, upon the divine warnings, he was so neurotic he actually only got a job with an AoL devotee, who finally, withdrew his offer. The man went back crawling to the AoL, like Ravi had “predicted”, and after a few years, has been promoted endlessly within the system. Was that a prediction or manipulation? He himself told me I would not make it in the world, that I’d burn out, and, in two years, beg him to let me go back. The fear his warnings/curses created in me paralyzed me for a long time. Today, I know it is part of his sociopathic manipulations many buy. If he cannot have you, then noone else can – is part of his “work ethics.”

I know RS started changing many policies in recent years, making it more proper for full timers mainly in fear of legal suits, as it obviously started being a problem in some countries. But, as long as he still has them under stipends, no medical insurance, no home, no formal, official contracts, and not giving real accountability and reports of where the money really goes, it is a big fat lie and exploitation a-la-"made in SriSrilandia."

There was quite a drama when the US board, or rather, the president, tried to fire some full timers because he decided they did not do enough (or rather, because he never liked them to begin with). How on earth do you fire people who work as volunteers and who gave their lives for your cause, working practically for free for you for so long? How ethical, spiritual and caring is that?

They have now created rules such as one needs to bring at least 30 people per month in order to remain a full-time teacher. The funniest thing is people actually fight to become full timers and the organization actually believes it can fire people who work under illegal terms. I don’t know what people have in their heads, but many think being a full-timer is some enlightened accomplishment. Wrong. There is nothing special about full-timers, other than they are 100% absolutely exploited and brain damaged. Full-timers are usually just people who are “available” or easily manipulated or that can provide something he needs at that time (former full-timer talking about full-timers). In the old days, at least many full-timers were people who believed in “a cause” and/or had some sincere quest for spirituality, or wanted enlightenment (like most former TMers). However, in most recent years, being a full-timer is an excuse for many to flee from the responsibilities of life, especially many young people who have no idea what to do otherwise. Sadly, if you observe, most full timers (not all, but most) are people who would not make it in the world but who in the AoL are considered stars.

There is exploitation even in the creation of materials such as CDs. I know of at least two singers and composers whose bhajans are the most popular in the AoL and who left the organization due to the unethical financial practices. Of course, RS considers he owns all their compositions because, according to him, he is the inspiration behind everything and he gave them the talent. Thus, if they made CDs he wanted them to donate all the earnings to the organization (of course, to support the seva projects). Hello? These musicians also need to make a living! They deserve being compensated for their talents and work! Who is whose inspiration? Conclusion: he now has all his Indian boys recording these songs, as theirs. If someone did that to Sri Sri, he’d get them for copyright issues. But, as usual, he never does anything wrong. He is perfect. Everyone else is the problem.

If anyone went to Sri Sri to ask for more money, or medical insurance, or that one needed a home, his answer often was, in a victimized tone, “There is no money. You have no idea how expensive it is to keep the ashrams and the seva projects. We never have enough money.” You went in with a righteous request, but you’d leave feeling like crap, believing his lie about not having money.

There are still so many teachers out there, especially the non full-timers and the new and young ones who still believe in all that “ra-ra” stuff he presents. Everyone has his/her turn to experience the bitter taste of AoL truth, it is just a matter of time and how one processes it eventually. Some decide to go with it by blending in more with psychological dissonance, some struggle hard to leave and face the reality of perhaps not being able to reinsert themselves in the world and job market, and that once one leaves, the grace of the guru is no longer existent.

Again, it is all sugar coated glamour. The truth behind it all is not that sweet. Maybe Maharishi was right when he described his pundit boy as “sugar coated poison.” Ravi’s machiavellic thinking and actions, combined with his lack of remorse, arrogance and charisma/charm make him a true sociopath.

Today, I look at all the Sri Sri enterprises he has (real estate, software, body products, books and tapes, etc), the properties Ajay owns in the US, his cars, his gadgets, his education, the jewelry Bhanu carries, their first class travels and stays in 8 star hotels, the pictures of the LA center, etc. and I think, “Man, either you are a lousy money manager or you simply are a gold-medal bastard.”

A Sri Sri Sweatshop is a working environment with unhealthy conditions that are considered by many people of good mental health to be difficult or dangerous, usually where the workers have few opportunities to address their situation. This can include exposure to harmful relations, hazardous situations, extreme psychological pressure, or abuse from employers. Sri Sri Sweatshop workers often work long hours for little pay, regardless of any laws mandating overtime pay or a minimum wage.

For those who are against human exploitation, avoid buying products made in Srisrilandia.

Thank you note

BY KLIM
Evidently, the last article: “The 3 letter unspoken word: sex” stirred some wild emotions, as it did to me every time I heard someone go through yet another similar situation. It took me almost 10 years to come to terms with it (I know people who left because of it), as it took me even more years to come to terms with many of the deceits and fraud I today recognize about the AoL and SSRS, which were obvious to friends and family. I don’t blame the AoLers who write in full blast aggression, possessed by anger and sometimes even too off centered to express themselves coherently. I don’t know what it does to you, but it does a lot of service to me by confirming the right decision I made of leaving the organization and RS. It helps me further confirm that the teachings of RS only create a hyper hysteria, fanaticism focused only in building his name, organization, numbers, fame and popularity, and it takes the individual nowhere in the spiritual growth, but only builds ego/narcissism, delusion, fanaticism. Practicing a breathing technique that actually induces hyperventilation and which he did not create himself as he claims, or a meditation that is an imitation of someone else’s that went wrong and whom he criticizes constantly, or delivering repetitive topics that are cleverly entitled, “Ashtavakra, Bhakti Sutras, Patanjalis”, naming the Yoga Vasistha, repeating like parrots: “opposite values are complimentary, accept people as they are, don’t see intentions behind people’s mistakes, don’t be a football of other’s opinions, the present moment is inevitable” are not an indication of spirituality nor evolution nor “goodness.” Spirituality is more than just reciting, reading scriptures, doing some technique. Spirituality is not about the activities one does, who one follows, what one eats.

Following is a comment the blog received, obviously posted under the wrong link. The person is comprehensively mad. But I understand because I, too, used to get out of myself whenever I heard “my guru” and “my organization” criticized. However, with the years, I also learned that I got mad when it was about things I actually was not sure about, that I myself, deep inside, doubted, or actually, because it simply hurt my true-believer-ego. Evidently, Mr. Ravishankar, the quality of your teachers and your teachings need to be improved because, sadly, your disciples cannot remain centered with that smile you insist they should have, not “living the knowledge”, like you’d diplomatically insist, “Come what may, keep your smile.” Don’t you say AoL offers the knowledge that makes one unshakeable? I am sure this kind of reaction does not make you happy either:

ronith has left a new comment on your post "Additional links":

u have no proof of all the bull u write show us some proof abouct all the bull u write even i can open a stupid blog like urs and write bull like u without any proof atleast i am not mindless like u and if u think u r so smart y cant u reveal ur identity show us some proof u publicity hogger

There was a time this kind of comment/people affected me. The aggression and psychosis within the organization greatly disturbed me even when I was a “true believer”. Today, even with all the bashing provoked by the sex subject, it only makes me laugh and feel at peace with my decision of leaving the AoL and further confirms what a sick community it is and what a poor education we got from “the holiness.”

Maybe AoLers reading this kind of comment rejoice and cheer it like men watching a football game – notorious behavior of highly spiritual people following a highly enlightened master.

Maybe some AoLers reading this kind of comment feel quietly embarrassed that one of their fellow peers can express himself in such way and is indeed a bad representation of the movement, teachings, guru.

Maybe those who are not AoLers but have done a course, relate to it and applaud it, and maybe some take it as an indication of what AoL really is not about and see the holes of the organization and teachings before further going into it and getting sucked by “the black hole”, like it happened to me and many others.

Maybe some former AoLers reading this kind of comment, feel the same effect it has for me, reassuring the decision of leaving and the relief of no longer belonging to that madness. Maybe some prefer that I don’t write about any of this. I know some prefer to leave it for “fate and karma to take care” and some are afraid of the bad things Ravishankar can do to people because they themselves have experienced them (myself included) - reasons why so many old timers and former teachers have not come forward a lot earlier.

Whatever it is, whoever it is, thank you. Thank you to you all who, nicely and violently, help me in my journey of recovery. Thank to the comments of aggressive AoLers - if I had any doubts left about SSRS, there no longer are any. If I had any fears left of him/them/you, because of the retaliation, threats, harassments, lies I experienced during and post AoL, I no longer have any. Little did I know how healing this blog and all the nasty comments would be for me (hopefully for others too). Thank you again to former members and to current members, even those who curse, insult, threat, etc. KLIM & co. You have made me stronger. You have set me free.

Will wrapping up with an “I belong to you” make anyone puke? Better not, no?

A sincere heart-felt thank you.

The 3 letter unspoken word: S E X

How many times have we heard Ravishankar say, “Even mosquitoes do it! Dinosaurs did it! You have been doing it so many life times! How much can you rub your nose against each other?” On the one hand, he made sure he let everyone know sex is part of the history of humankind, but on the other, he encouraged celibacy to many of his teachers, and in the course for young adults there is a chapter on sex: do pranayamas, take cold showers when you have sexual thoughts/urges.

In other words, it is normal, but take a cold shower when you feel the urge, because it is not good. It is inevitable everyone ends up interpreting these messages in different ways, and unfortunately, most people take it as sex is bad.

I know of a teacher who did not have sex during the days he taught the course because he was sure his energy would be affected. I knew of another who every time an assistant arrived to the course after having spent the previous night with a partner, would flip out and accuse him/her of showing up with “bad energy”. I knew of someone else who felt so guilty about sex he’d actually do it only in the bathroom and then meditate a lot to wash out his impurities. I knew teachers who got married but could not consummate because they felt inappropriate. I knew people who would turn RS’s picture around “to do it”. I knew of teachers who simply craved so much for sex yet Ravishankar dissuaded them from having it by imposing fearful thoughts in them like, “You were not cut out for sex, you are too weak for it, your health will be affected. If you have sex, you will get sick. If you have sex, you will get distracted. If you have sex you will not get enlightened.” Of course, these individuals would hold as much as they could, and then go crazy, and then feel guilty about it. I’ve heard him tell young boys, “Just focus in me, you are not meant for relationships this lifetime. Why do you need someone else when you have me? Keep you eyes only on me.” Even his swamis and rishis have issues with sex. We know of at least a rishi who still today cheats on his wife, right in her face!

Has AoL not learned from the Catholic church?! All the interpretations, the lack of direct addressing the issue, the lack of transparency, the concepts created a weird world of horny but repressed individuals that express it, eventually, in the form of aggression or dissociation, lies, taking many cold showers, doing excessive meditations, and promiscuity.

Many teachers, especially senior teachers take advantage of their status. Women fall for them like bees for honey, not knowing they are just being used for sex. Female teachers pretending to be virgins or untouchables. I knew of one who everywhere she went made a point to inform she was virgin, and then someone who was hosting her found out she was bringing men to the house while they went to work, by finding used condoms in her room and the reports of the maid. The one million dollar question everyone asked for a long time in the West was, “Did Philip and Rajshree have sex?” They pretended to be “just friends” but wherever they went, they slept in the same room. Yet, he projected to be a monk and she the most of all virgin people. (Does the word “histrionic” come to mind?). It was such a mystery people actually got mad and confused when Philip married (someone else, since Ravishankar never approved his relationship with Rajshree).

Unfortunately, there are even stories of male teachers raping female students or teachers, and other forms of perversion. The inner circle knew about this. We simply did not talk about it. It was shameful, both for the victim and for us who represented an organization, knowing the situation and not doing anything about it. When reported to Ravishankar, he simply ignored them and turned the victims into the problem. Of course, he had to keep his senior boys content and relieved, and again, who would listen to a woman with rape stories inside the AoL, especially when the “stars” were the aggressors - advanced course teachers, meditation teachers, TTC teachers? Under the excuse, “Guruji knows everything”, if he did not do anything about it, it meant the women were being drama queens and needy of attention.

Ravishankar often explained he could not have women in his room until late hours because people would misinterpret. “The two major reasons for scandal”, he said, “are sex and money.” It was his way to comfort the women who also wanted “to play”, like the boys, until late hours at night. Maybe he thinks the world is gullible but actually people are more suspicious of him hanging out until late with “the boys.” Especially hand picked boys, entering and exiting in different batches. Some spend the night with him, but leave the room early in the morning before anyone finds out.

The very few who I know dared speak out were quickly “taken care of” by spreading rumors of “psychological instability” and suddenly, would disappear from the organization. I was very sad to hear from one of them later defend him when I challenged him about the stories he once spoke about in detail. This young man had clearly been sexually abused and was going through a delicate sexual confusion himself. He felt so ashamed, he could not follow the conversation, and finally, explained he did not feel he was a victim, Guruji loves him, he did it for his growth. And once in a while, pop the question, “You mean, on top or under the underwear?”

What does it matter if it is on top or under the underwear, for heaven’s sake! Many teachers who have left and with whom I have spoken about this later, also ask the same question: “You mean on top or under the underwear?” Somehow, we all knew about at least one story, and thus, the same question, but we always found ways to protect the secret and keep it safely guarded. As we start to share more details, after passing the “underwear” question, the reaction is usually, “Oh God.” At that time, it was about surviving in dissonance. It is painful to admit it about one’s beloved Guru. Even today, as I write, I feel akward about it.

I have, however, trouble accepting people, who know men who have been raped by the guru, excuse it with arguments such as, “Oh, they are adults. Oh, it was for their growth. Oh, but Guruji loved them. Oh, but they got his grace.” Can sexual assault be justified in any form? Or, that noone has denounced him or made it public, not even anonymously! I know he threatens, I understand the shame, the guilt, the conflict, the pain. But, for heaven’s sake, it’s been going on for decades and it is not just 1, 2, 3 cases, and it keeps going on. It is going on with some young lad as we speak.

I once approached a teacher who hang out a lot in his room about the stories of a boy who came out with accusations. I gave him details, trying to understand if the boy was losing it or if his accusations were real. The teacher’s reply was more shocking. He laughed and lightly said it happened all the time to a group of them: Guruji touches them to release the kundalini and relieve their sexual tension, so that they can focus in their seva and not think about women.

Is it just me or are you frowning too?

But notice, not everyone has the privilege to release his/her kundalini! Only a few selected group of young men (young pretty men) and, I guess women have no chances of releasing anything this lifetime!

In intimate settings, sometimes, teachers, we’d ask each other if we believed these stories, if Guruji is celibate or not. We’d never dare confirm an answer, but everyone always agreed, “If he is sexually active, he definitely likes boys.”

Allowing the rapes of his female devotees is just as wrong as him sexually abusing his male devotees. There is no kundalini or enlightenment that justifies any of these two acts. Whether on top or under the underwear, I guess, even within a “spiritual” community, keep your pants on, their hands off, and do not talk to strangers. Just like your mother once taught you.

(When leaving comments, please be considerate and respectful. Keep in mind someone who has suffered a form of sexual abuse in the AoL may be reading the blog. I have spoken to several of these victims and they still suffer of the trauma of the abuses).

Haiti - not for commercial use

BY KLIM
If you haven’t done so yet please pay attention to Haiti. It is difficult not to be shaken by the news, the pictures, the footages. It is a tragedy. I keep asking myself what can I do from so far, and inevitably I remember my times with AoL and feel ashamed of having supported initiatives that thrived from the tragedies of others.

A common question people asked SSRS was, “Why are there natural catastrophes?” A typical answer was, “So that people work on their compassion and do seva.” Very poetic, perhaps truthful, but definitely, very witty – the perfect way to keep his people working for him for free, not question anything he does (or not do) and feel proud of themselves.

We heard countless stories about the Gujarat earthquake, how AoL people helped day and night and the myriad miracle stories (my favorite being the one of a boy who fell off a high building and nothing happened to him because “Guruji caught him”). Of course, we heard the stories of the Tsunami and the unfounded claim “we were the first NGO to enter the region and do seva”, accounted by a few pictures (always the same 3, 4 pictures) of SSRS passing some bags of food and clothes, and standing in front of people in despair. In fact, the Blessings course is an aftermath of that tragedy: Swamiji was sent to the region, and as per his own narration, the guru asked him to bless. Upon asking innocently “how”, the guru yelled at him, “Just do it! Have faith.” And thus, when the swami innocently touched people’s heads, he’d learn the deaf gained hearing, the depressed started eating, the devastated smiling, the childless mothers found meaning to their lives again. The blessings/healing stories gained more importance than the actual needs of the tsunami affected population.

Taking advantage of the situation, the organization went out fishing for donations. A former teacher told me the story of a Brazilian bank that raised funds within their employee community and decided to donate close to USD 400,000 for the construction of an orphanage AoL claimed to plan to build for the Tsunami orphans in Sri Lanka. This project, like many others, did not follow up with accountability, paper work, proof. Instead of the promise of building the grounds in a few months, it did not conclude until way past the year. The bank authorities were furious. Of course, they had been fooled and their reputation was at stake. As a respectable, professional organization, they needed to show accountability. The AoL quickly fabricated pictures, trying to trick the bank authorities with photos only of few terminated corners of some rooms, or from angles that would not show the real unfinished situation, and of course, with big Brazilian flags wherever possible. To make things worse, once the building was finally terminated, they had no authorization from the government to run the orphanage, and there were no orphans to host (note: you don’t just grab kids from the streets and put them in a place ... for pictures …). I can’t help but imagine how much could have been done in Sri Lanka, even the slums of Brazil, with that lump sum of money back then! I keep thinking constructing the building did not require even 1/10 of that money. I wonder what has become the real use of that place and where that money really went.

I was at an AoL event during the Tsunami tragedy and, in two weeks, we collected close to USD 300,000 for “the cause.” He even sent us out to the streets to beg, TTC participants wrote big checks, events were organized to raise funds for the Tsunami victims, yet, they ended up being intro talks to register the people (who went to find ways to help “the cause”) to the next courses.

This was the work of only one group. I wonder how much money AoL sucked out of the Tsunami tragedy and how much really went to it or, rather, where did all of it really go.

The Dresden flood kept some Europeans busy for a few days, proved, of course, by a few pictures of a few people pulling buckets. Of course, there was the famous Katrina tragedy that claimed to have mobilized the entire US AoL chapter. Somehow, the AoL constantly makes big claims, but whenever articles are published it is because some devotee used some connections in the media. My point being: how come AoL always has to let the media know about their amazing work and it is not the media who finds their super big work? If their achievements are indeed that important, wouldn’t people notice them themselves?

Let’s be realistic and crude: what is the bottom-line claim of all the campaigns? Sudarshan Kriya will save everyone, his holiness is the new millennium Messiah, AoL is the only organization that is really making a difference in the area. Yet note that all projects life span last as long as some pictures and footages are taken, enough money collected, and you don't hear about them anymore, except in the form of heroic and miraculous stories (always the same ones).

Furthermore, it is interesting to notice he only helps incidents that are politically more productive for media and award purposes. When I read about some natural disaster, I check with former members of the area, local and international press, esatsang (!) to see if AoL is present in the rescue, vigorously implementing their claims of seva, sending their “seva warriors”, saving the world, “we care we share”, investing the money collected from courses in real causes. … Why does it still disappoint me though? Well, let’s give them a break. At least they keep recruiting people for courses! Sudarshan Kriya and devotion to SSRS will, after all, save and change the world! (Yes, that was sarcasm). There are people who believe the awards the IAHV claims were given by obvious merits rather than lobbying of their devotees.

A few years ago, a wealthy AoL member proudly informed of a “planting trees” project in Haiti. Not very knowledgeable about the area, I was embarrassed to ask why plant trees and not engage in more immediately necessary projects instead? Like, medical care, hunger, education, hygiene, etc.? Maybe deforestation was a big issue I was not aware of, but it obviously kept this man feeling important, donating and convinced AoL does real seva. I doubt so many trees were really planted in half of that island and I know as a fact there are not that many activities.

Oxfam, Red Cross, Doctors without borders, the UN, etc., a list of organizations are currently out there helping Haiti. Their efforts are visible, their goals are clear. It embarrasses me to remember how he convinced us those organizations are useless because they are all words but little action: “They use 80% of the donations in overhead expenses, did you know? Hah? We use less than 10% in overhead expenses the rest all goes to seva projects. Don’t give your money to them.”

Seva projects? Or Ajay’s homes, cars and triple US education? Bhanu’s saris, jewelries, purses and first class trips to visit her son? His own latest gadgets, expensive dotis, shawls, 5 star hotels and first class plane tickets? Or his real estate investments? Or the Texas ashram, the luxurious DC center, the recently acquired obnoxiously luxurious Los Angeles Center? (for those who have not seen the pictures yet, make sure you do. A historic building, several million dollars, former Christian Science church. I almost gagged when I saw the photos).

What will AoL invent and claim now about Haiti? That he is blessing the Caribbean? That the tragedy happened because AoL was not too active in the country, thus “everyone, quick, quick, start teaching in your areas before it is too late!” I will get revolted yet I am already getting ready to hear about a world meditation or a world maha Kriya to help the victims of the tragedy, and claims of seva projects and miracles in the area. Sadly, the AoL community will be excitedly convinced they are contributing (like the time they prevented a war between India and Pakistan with a maha Kriya), organizing special satsangs, donating money to AoL. “Everything is an opportunity. One just needs to be clever”, as taught by TTC teachers.

Taking advantage of the tragedy of others is simply distasteful.

Mr. Ravishankar, if you want to help, you need to roll your sleeves and get your hands dirty, but not your way-that-way-dirty, the real way. And not just for a few pictures. Know the Dalai Lama said to a reporter when a typhoon destroyed Taiwan: “I am not here to take pictures.” (You did not go. Your local chapter did not do anything relevant, if any at all. Supporting Taiwan would be a dangerous political move). If you choose to donate to an active organization truly currently working in Haiti, I am sure you can find ways to cut taxes. Remember your own teachings: a good businessman is the one who knows to donate. The more you give, the more you receive.

For those who want to help, here is a link from the NY Times: "HAITI DISASTER RELIEF: HOW TO CONTRIBUTE"

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/13/haiti-disaster-relief-how-to-contribute

(Also read in this blog, "Another disaster, another marketing opportunity")

“Enlightsitive” = enlightened + sensitive

It was common to find that the more someone was involved in the organization and the more senior the teacher was, the more “sensitive” he/she was about many things, e.g. food, environment, people, music, activities, the paranormal, etc. Somehow, with time, we developed sensitivities that were attributed to "evolution." Being more sensitive was regarded as having reached a higher state, being more spiritual. Being less sensitive was hmm ... the contrary.

Many were allergic and/or phobic to many things. It was often a pain to hang out with teachers, especially Part 2 teachers, swamis, Sahaj teachers, senior teachers. I dreaded feeding them, hosting them. They were all big time prima donnas in the name of enlightenment. I call them, “enlightsitives” = enlightened + sensitive.

Sugar, white flour, flour, grains, cereals, non-organic, coffee, soft-drinks, garlic, onion, mushrooms, frozen, not frozen, cooked, not cooked, etc., etc., etc. Or else, smells: cleaning detergents, sprays, perfumes, shampoos, soaps, dry-cleaned clothes, etc. Or else music, “that is so not sattvic. My prana is going down. Put on some bhajans.” (After so many years of AoL I suddenly noticed one day I did not know what the world was listening to and I only knew the words to bhajans! Thank God they were not that difficult!). Or else, “there is such bad energy in this house, I cannot stay here” or “that person is so low, ignore him/her, it’ll consume your energy field.” Or else, the pita, vata, kapha! Or else, the overall belief that activities, such as, going to the movies is not sattvic. For heaven’s sake! Imagine young people not living their time! Feeling guilty about partying, dating, hanging out, making out, having desires. Isn’t it all part of growing up, being human, learning, discovering life and oneself? Did our parents, grandparents not do it after all? Were they that bad? That unevolved? Did the great inventors, philosophers, scientists, doctors, teachers not engage in such activities either? Were they that bad? SSRS watches movies, loves potato chips and likes that song “Besame, besame mucho” (as per a friend’s translation: “Kiss me, kiss me a lot, kiss me as if this was the last time …” Interestingly sattvic ☺ !)

I was speechless when I recently heard some people even self-induced vomit or naturally vomited after being exposed to what was considered “unpure” energy, e.g. hanging out with people who belong to “the world”, doing kriya with bad/low energy people, etc.!

I remember once 5 people were dumped in a room, amongst them a teacher. It was uncomfortably tight yet the teacher insisted everyone needed to move everything around (bed, wardrobes, bags, etc.) in an incoherent way for everyone but her only because she otherwise could not sleep -she needed to lie in the same direction of the underground water (or was it some energy wave?). She considered herself more evolved than the rest because of these needs. We thought she was self-centered, selfish and “looney”. She was just “enlightsitive.”

Eating meat was, of course, the ultimate anti-glow sin. I met some people who upon medical advise went back to eating meat. They did so with so much guilt and were constantly worried people would notice them less "bright" and sense their "bad" energy. In fact, they were sure Bhanu and SSRS discriminated them since their change of diet. At least, Bhanu kept making awful remarks to them about it. But let me see, if one has to choose between glowing and health, glowing and health... Come on, does meat-free diet ensure "glow" and purity? Glowing in the name of evolution is definitely overrated. I know so many meat eating people who are so sensitive, spiritual and loving! And I know so many vegetarians who are vicious, awful people.

I am not sure yet if the collective hysteria was brought from TM and we ended up adopting it, or if the practices created such imbalanced sensitivities and/or eliminated our “energetic immune system”. I was an “enlightsitive” myself. However, today it makes no sense to me that evolution would bring such ineptness to cope with everyday life, situations and discriminate "unpure people" (as I write I am ashamed of the arrogance!). I am not invalidating the claims of anyone’s sensitivities (I have my own share) but I keep wondering if a truly evolved person would make a fuss about everything, or if, instead, enlightenment is that state in which one is sensitive yet finds oneself at ease and in acceptance with everyone and anything.

I know organic, non-toxic, non-plastic, non-etc. is better (behold, I myself believe and practice this), but somehow I cannot image someone enlightened rambling, “I cannot eat this, it is not organic, it'll kill me”, “I cannot sleep on this bed, the bed sheets are not organic cotton or pure silk”, “you sprayed too much perfume, the toxic residues will give me cancer”, “oh my pita vata!!!”, “your repressed anger makes me loose my centeredness”, “I cannot sleep unless my head points east.”

As stated earlier, many people, especially senior teachers, considered such claims heroic and a sign of evolution. Unfortunately, imitation is the most powerful form of education.

SSRS himself also discriminated against people in that manner. There was often a say in the hallway while waiting for him: better not hang out with “blue stars” or low energy people otherwise he will not let you in ("your energy will get contaminated and he will feel it"). It was sad to notice people avoiding each other, and unfortunately, ignoring some “not dignified” souls, and of course, there was always this hidden fear one was actually the one everyone stepped away from. It stirred up awful degrading feelings. Furthermore, how many times did he refuse to stay in a devotee’s more humble home because their energy was not high enough for him? (though of course, a 5 star hotel or a mansion were never a problem).

I admit I was once also an “enlightsitive.” In fact, I am still sensitive to many things. However, it is funny to notice that since I left the AoL and the more time goes by since I stopped doing the practices, I feel more equipped to deal with differences and they don’t bother me anymore. AoLers would explain it as I am now less evolved because I am now “in the world” and out of “his grace”. I believe my organism is gradually stronger and I everyday have less AoL softwares in my hard drive. Thus, whew! I am no longer “enlightsitive”!☺

Once upon a cult

Recovering from spiritual abuse is an endless, intimate, lonely process few people comprehend. Sexual abuse and domestic violence are today recognized in most societies (unfortunately not all) as crimes, and victims of it qualify for proper justice and counseling. Society sympathizes with them and offers help in countless ways, although probably not enough yet. On the other hand, being a victim of spiritual or cult abuse is still not as acceptable and an unspoken subject accompanied by shame and misunderstandings. Out loud coming out as a victim of cult/spiritual abuse may place one in a vulnerable situation, even ridiculed or exposed to more bullying. One is blamed for having joined or questioned on the veracity of ones experiences. Of course, they are the big organization with the big names, the holy persona and thousands of followers. I am just a nobody who was “rejected or dejected” (as someone put earlier). Why believe me? I must be bluffing, resentful, seeking revenge. Otherwise, “something is obviously wrong with you, to begin with, for having joined a cult”, and “you are ‘stupid’ for not having left earlier”, “you are responsible.”

Maybe people can’t relate with spiritual abuse because it is more abstract, subtle and mainly because there is a general concept about spiritual masters: they are holy benevolent beings, and because there is a tendency to believe one is always in control of everything (“should be”). People don’t understand the extent and the depth of the manipulations and damages of spiritual abuse, specially under the leadership of one who claims “the way”, the lonely pain one carries silently for a long time and how difficult it is to cope with it everyday, how being a victim of a cult leader is not different from being a victim of Stockholm syndrome, rape or domestic violence. People sympathize with Jaycee Dugard but they question me. I was spiritually raped and abducted but I could/should have walked out. I could/should have as much a Jaycee Dugard could/should have.

Recovery did not start the minute I left the organization. Recovery started the day I was able to face the truth and admit to myself I had belonged to a cult, that I had participated in a big lie and brought many to it, that I had been abused and also been abusive, that SSRS was a cult leader and not a spiritual one. Unfortunately that happened long after I officially left. I fed my dissonance for a long time after instead. It is what I had perceived as truth for so many years and the contrary was too hurtful and challenging to unknot. I was betrayed by friends, students, my guru, but mainly, I betrayed myself for not listening to myself, not seeing the truth earlier and for allowing the abuses. Maybe I will understand many years later why it all happened, maybe one day I may even be grateful for it too. Maybe, maybe not.

I find the biggest challenge former members face is recognizing SSRS is not what we thought he was or that his love for us is not unconditional, as he claimed, that the Sudarshan Kriya is a hoax, that we were used to feed someone’s narcissistic ambitions. I’ve heard people who have been abused defend him in the most dissonant manners. They blame the board, some senior teacher, they even claim he did it out of love, etc. They somehow see SSRS as a victim himself when underneath it all, they are most likely protecting themselves. Let me just ask, “What kind of parent would abuse you in the name of love?” (In the world we identify them as pedophiles and sick). Who do you think is behind the board, the senior teachers, the situations? You really think things happen without his consent and knowledge?” SSRS is about the greatest control freak I know! I remember the time I told him I found an article bad for his name because it stated everything in the Art of Living revolved and depended on him. He mockingly asserted, “Of course that is how it should be! I am behind it all! Without me nothing exists! You still don’t know?!” (A little too narcissistic perhaps?) This is the naivite that goes on. I also defended him so many years when the truth was evident to those watching outside.

I realized about myself that the extent I needed to lie to myself about SSRS was the extent of my own immaturity. Psychologically, children move to the next level of maturity when they realize Santa does not exist. I believe the same happens with ex-devotees when we consider the possibility the guru is a fraud. Eventually, admitting he is, is the ultimate painful act, thus some choose to keep the Stockholm syndrome. As the saying goes, “ignorance is bliss.”

I stopped consuming sudarshan kriya, meditation, chanting, anything that reminds me of the routines I followed for so many years, that killed more than 100 of my brain cells, and repressed my rights of freedom of thought and critical thinking. Uninstalling all the guru softwares, allowing the real me to flourish again, being truthful is my current sadhana. The meaning of “sadhana”, now finally makes sense: spiritual practice done for higher aims.

I was once member of a cult. I say it with shame, humility, respect and responsibility. But above all, with pride I finally am truthful to myself.

Is spirituality not democratic after all?

BY KLIM

Ah!!! I am actually getting tired of responding to AoLers writing to this blog, even those who fake they are not. What the heck! I left their organization to, years later, engage with them online? OK, a risk I took the minute I started this blog, but geez, they don’t even have such good reading comprehension skills because they are so emotional when reading they immediately jump to conclusions and/or are too anxious to make a point, ready to militate for Ravi any minute. Geez! With all due respect, reacting like men who were just told they have small tiny weenie penises! Excuse me. I did not say anything about anyone’s penis so please chill! And anyway, let’s respect each other’s size, shape and preferences! Is spirituality after all not democratic?! Do we all need to believe AoL is the biggest most amazing NGO in the world? (It is not! Check statistics. The AoL cannot even detail how many active teachers it has and how many teachers it has made! AoL cannot even give specific numbers of how many people did the course in each city, country and year! I was one of you when we tried to collect this data and we were not able to because we were lousy and disorganized as an institution, and because, unfortunately, that is the price for working with volunteers, some less prepared than others, and many, without any real professional experience). Do we all need to believe Ravi is the greatest man on earth, holy, the one and only, and the best? Do we all need to believe everything the AoL and SSRS claim as true? If thinking differently to you makes us stupid, then let us be! At least, stupid, free and happy. Let spirituality be democratic! The soul is, after all, FREE!

Neither AoL nor SSRS nor his devotees should feel threatened, shaken or offended by different opinions – I call them “different”, they call them “negative” … interesting. Good education is based on diversified information, not on unilateral, manipulated, censored information. One should decide if something is good based on all reviews: good and bad. Something is not necessarily good if it only has good reviews. On the contrary, it gives room to suspicion. In a world governed by minds like those of fanatic AoL followers and SSRS the system would be non-democratic, totalitarian, despot. If that makes you feel more comfortable, please practice it within your divine community but don't push it on others. I and many others, greatly appreciate democracy, freedom of speech, freedom for religious beliefs, transparency, wholesome education. For the love of these, I chose to leave.

I also don’t understand, when I was a devotee – truly devoted, by the way – I never ever thought of reading anything “negative” about “my guru” or “the best organization in the world”. First of all, I never thought anyone doubted we were the best. In fact, I was shocked to find out, years after I left, there were people and sources out there with “negative” observations and experiences! Second, I did not consider other opinions valid. My family, friends, etc. thought I had lost it. I was even told straight in my face I was in a cult yet I stood strong to my convictions. Needless to mention, I never thought of attacking someone who felt differently or tried to convince them they were wrong, belittle or dare them. I only kept bringing people to the course. Even then, I believed everyone is entitled to his/her own opinion. How are you then practicing the knowledge “don’t make the mistake of going against the mistake” (Ashtavakra Gita)? Cause I am out, you are in, shouldn't you be "in the knowledge"?

SSRS speaks about the joining of all religions, breaking differences, but actions such as these of his devotees writing to the blog (and to many other links that present different opinions) or himself assigning people to check on “negative press” only reflect the contrary, and are a sign of little or no true spirituality, hidden insecurities, cry babies, and overboard narcissism. Should those who think differently, those who may appear to think “against them” (I prefer, “not in favor of”, or “not similarly”) be attacked, questioned, “dared”, threatened … eliminated? (a common AoL in-house practice after all).

Fortunately, I had many many years of training under this kind of despotic rule and tyrant thinking, and, unfortunately, I am not unfamiliar with the AoL kind of hostility towards difference in opinion. For heaven’s sake, keep conquering the world but let people enjoy democratic spirituality!!!

Is spirituality not democratic after all?

Walk like a king and be a perfect doormat

BY KLIM

I was young when I joined the organization. I was vulnerable, full of hopes, naïve, gullible, enthusiastic, influentiable, impressionable. I had that adolescent arrogance that made me believe we could change the world. My psyque was probably not even strongly developed yet. I believed in helping others, wished for a better world and loved knowledge. I was the perfect target.

My family was all along against me being part of the organization, and worse, giving my life to it. SSRS said to me once, “Have compassion for them, pray for them”, as if they were loosers who missed out the chance of being on the path. AoL adults would then remind me how lucky I was for serving a guru at such a young age (though curiously, they would not encourage their own children to follow my steps). Thus, I disregarded every warning my family gave me because they were "not in the knowledge". Instead, I listened to the guru and my fellow senior teachers/friends.

Even when I write this, I laugh at myself. I actually listened to “adults” who obviously have serious psychological problems and who, in different ways and reasons, stopped growing at some early point in life because of some dysfunctional story, or fled from “the world”, relying on spirituality as an ego booster. Time passing by is not an indication one grows. I have met 40 year olds going into 14 and 65 year olds going into 17. I once looked up to those people and thought that, as my seniors, in age and spiritual experience, they knew better. The fool leading the fool.

Few years after joining the organization, I lived enough unethical situations that affected me personally and made me want to leave. I struggled with the devotion and commitment I felt for him, and the respect and conviction I had for my values. Senior teachers would then corner me with the “should and should not” script.

Basically, it was all just a sign of low prana, lack of faith we all go through, to make us strong, get rid of our egos. “The path is only for the brave ones”, “the amount of doubt you have equals the amount of faith you have, so when you have doubts, realize how much faith you have”. If I was angry, I should not be angry, “anger is not good for you, observe the sensation, sit for hollow and empties, bow down, surrender to the Guru, chant.” If I thought SSRS did something wrong, “he is doing it for your growth, he is a satguru, he is showing you the way by creating that situation, he wants the best for you, he is taking you to the next step.” If I wanted to say anything about it, “you are being vindictive, observe your violence.”

One could never win nor validate oneself. The one abused was turned into the aggressor. Therefore, what was extended and deepened instead was the condition for abuse until one finally regarded it as normal, acceptable, spiritual. SSRS talked about surrender but he really wanted us to succumb.

I can almost hear my basic course teacher if she found out about this blog: “revenge is not good.” Revenge is so not part of my personality and not at all the goal of this blog. And if I was once angry, so what? It is part of the process of recovery and healing. I am real: bones and flesh real. She is also a victim of abuse and has made abuse into something spiritual. Realizing the contrary would be too much to handle. Actually, recognizing and admitting one belonged to a cult is a big load that comes with shame and appears to disqualify everything one did for so long.

If I had the chance to talk with her today, I’d tell her how much she helped me, and how much she deeply screwed me. Sadly, I see that everything she did was for herself. She actually hid in the spiritual path to feel superior, to hide her feelings of insecurity, failures and inadequacy. As long as she had someone to save, she was somebody. She had the best of all intentions but could not see she was blind. Someone who had removed herself from the world for so many decades and who has difficulties surviving without belonging to a "spiritual cult", was a senior teacher who trained and led young people. All her advises only prepared us for more abuse. She taught me that if I was slapped, I should be grateful. Though I see the beauty of that knowledge I am sure it does not mean, “Walk like a king and be a perfect doormat" (as in Ravishankar's "Walk like a king and be a perfect servant").

Loving oneself, learning to respect oneself, learning to stand up for oneself and be respected are crucial in growing up strong and healthy (You see, my basic course teacher and some swami would say that was my ego speaking).

I know my teacher meant well. Today I recon she is emotionally, psychologically and spiritually crippled. She influenced many young people like me. We all looked up to her. More than one felt guilty about something after being with her because she had so many concepts, shoulds and should nots.

Being in a spiritual path does not make one better than others nor does it mean one truly works on oneself. One thing I know about AoL is noone really works on him/herself. We thought we did. The spiritual arrogance one acquires is such that AoLers believe doing kriya and kissing the guru’s feet automatically puts one above everyone and everything else.

I am today allergic to any unsolicited advise, specially in a condescending way. Often people in spiritual paths have the bad habit of thinking they know better. They think they know what advise you need, what you are really feeling that you are not aware of, what you still have not done. The obnoxious “I know for your better good.” Needless to mention, often the advises go around the leitmotif “be forgiving, be compassionate, do not be angry, let go, move on, etc.” Whereas there is truth in it, one cannot deny the abuse and the array of feelings that come with it. Imagine what a rape victim would feel if you tell him/her right after the attack, “forgive, be compassionate, don’t be angry, it was your karma, you must have done something bad some other life time, let go.” Just imagine!

I do not need to do anything but feel what I feel and be myself. That is the only thing I must do. Being angry is just as part of life as anything else. It does not make me worse. It is what it is at that moment and time takes care of it. After all, aren’t opposite values complimentary? Suppressing negative emotions is the emptiest spiritual mood making I know that turns people into arrogant robots. Being in a spiritual path does not mean you don’t feel negative emotions anymore. A spiritual education should teach you negative emotions are part of life and how to handle them, not that you should not feel them, or that feeling them is not OK, or that by meditating you will never have them again.

I also once oscillated from being a victim of abuse to being an abusive arrogant robot in the name of spirituality. Sadly, in AoL we thought spirituality was enrolling people to the course, creating devotion in people for SSRS and faking a smile at all times – “fake it until you make it.” Meditating, breathing, having a guru, chanting mantras, doing yoga, being vegetarian, doing “seva” are not signs of spirituality. Spirituality is not about the activities you do but about how you act and where the action stems from. Spirituality is not about not feeling any negative emotions. Spirituality is not in the shoulds and should nots, it is about how real you are to yourself, in life and to the world.

I dropped the habit of telling anyone what and how they should feel and do, or thinking I know what the other feels and should do. More importantly, I also dropped the habit of telling myself what I should or should not. Where there is a “should”, I learned, I lose my authenticity and my freedom.

I no longer want to be a doormat.

Qualities of a Guru

I don’t know why I keep remembering an exercise that was done in TTC 1 and DSN: naming the qualities of the Guru. I remember the first time I heard this command. I suddenly wondered, “Really, what are the qualities of Guruji? Why is it I like him?” By the time 3, 4 people started timidly listing adjectives, the rest was just an act of imagination and poetic skill. By the end of the exercise, we were sitting in front of a flipchart with a list of adjectives that insinuated the existence of a Sri Sri Holy 108, the embodiment of God on earth. But, did we all really think that or was it fantasy, group enthusiasm induced?

Examples of qualities listed are compassion, funny, giving, loving, all encompassing, caring, wise, intelligent, responsible, hard working, etc. (interesting, even today I have a hard time working out this list).

Basically, the obvious lesson was we become what we love, we become what we hate, thus, better love than hate, and because we loved him the most, we would all become as amazing as he is. We were the best. The hidden lesson was worship HIM, there is nothing more perfect and more truly amazing than HIM. You are the chosen one, you have the blessing of being with the reincarnation of God on earth.

It’s funny. If I had to work on that list today, the first qualities I’d call out are disloyal, ungrateful, arrogant, unscrupulous, machiavellic, ambitious (in a negative way), power hungry, wealth hungry, fame hungry, narcissistic, lacks empathy, self-centered, selfish, vain, lacks compassion, incapable of loving, incapable of feeling, incapable of establishing deep bonds with anyone, distorted sense of grandiosity of himself, revengeful, abusive, manipulative, liar, sinister, stressed, explosive, deceitful, hypocritical, and I’d end it with a few “etc.”

It’s interesting but these are the qualities that prevail above all in the movement, especially amongst the teachers, even more so, the senior teachers. People with these qualities are the ones he supports, promotes and upgrades. Thus, indirectly, passively, showing these are the qualities and behaviors that get rewarded and awarded. Those who have a hard time living by these qualities find themselves in a more vulnerable situation, attacked, exposed, hammered ("it’s your ego"). Historically, humankind has always casted those who dare be different. It is not different in the Art of Living path (unless you have something to offer the organization that it still wants from you, eg. money, connections, status, etc).

One of the questions I pondered on for a long time was, “When I grow up, who do I want to be like?”

I searched deeply and vastly in my list of worldwide teachers and long-timers. I looked around … no, no, no, no …. NOOOOO … no, no no …. No …..!!! There was not one person I wanted to be like. Even worse, I did not want to ever be like any one of them! (If you know them off the course setting, even less!). And then came the big fish: not even when I was a devotee, I wanted to be like Sri Sri Ravishankar.

What are many people learning in that spiritual path? That being disloyal, ungrateful, machiavellic, betraying, etc. in the name of their devotion for Sri Sri or in the name of achieving whatever it is they want, adding the words “greater cause” to it, gets you away from anything and is the ultimate act of devotion, faith, spirituality.

What did I learn in my many years in that spiritual path? Everything I did not ever want to be like ever in life and everything I should never do if I want to live a life with integrity, values - success beyond success.

What would AoLers say about this article? That I am actually doing a “projection” and blaming on Sri Sri the things that actually are mine. It takes one to recognize the other, they say. There is one thing I am clear about: it is because I did not want to become those qualities, because I never agreed with them, that I finally left, that I finally lived the experiences that I did. Fortunately, the education I got from my parents, my grandparents, my elders, was a lot better than the one I got from Sri Sri. Fortunately, I have some discrimination left.

I stopped loving him and, fortunately, I never hated him nor do I hate him. I hope that saves me from ever being like him. Needless to mention, I work hard on myself so that I don’t repeat the mistake of regarding THAT as the ultimate HIM.

Twinkle twinkle little stars

BY KLIM

A couple years ago, a full time teacher contacted me to ask if I had heard SSRS said anything about old timers leaving. This full time teacher was extremely unhappy, not taken care of, yet scared to leave the movement. Like myself a few years earlier, she believed there was no life after AoL. There is also the real question full timers, who are not in the 20’s and had dedicated more than 10 years to the AoL, face, “how will I survive in the world? What will I do to make a living?”

Soon after, I received several emails from all over the planet with the message Sri Sri was warning everyone about the difficult astrological moment that would create doubts in people and, as a consequence, many old timers would drop out. If doubts came up, one had to stay strong and chant “om namah shivaya.”

It was almost funny to see the reactions in people. It was as if another tsunami was hitting town! It was evident to me it was another one of his manipulations. The exiting of old timers, teachers and full timers would obviously create doubts in many people. He found the perfect explanation, the one he invokes every time he is in trouble and void of logical explanations: the stars. And there we were, again, blaming the stars to manage crisis.

Somehow, he always has the last say: sometimes doubt is due to your low prana but sometimes it is due to the position of the stars. Astrologers and psychics are bad yet if he predicts it or he says it is due to the stars, then, listen, astrology and clairvoyance are then good.

With this train of thought, no one, according to him, is capable of thinking on his/her own. If someone saw bad things in his organization, the problem was, of course, with the seer not the seen. Could it be that old timers started leaving because they could not cope and support the lack of ethics and mess of the organization anymore? Could it be some people think and use their heads? Could it be some people have integrity? What about the stars were in such position it helped people have clarity and see through deceit?

I know one thing: my leaving AoL was not a result of a bad astrological moment, if at all, it was due to a good astrological moment. Om Namah Shivaya to that!