Food for Thought: Does it really matter?

As sad and disrespectful as it may seem, I only have one statement to make, “I really don’t care.” Do you realize this one incident is very insignificant in the world that matters? What does it matter if it was meant for Ravishankar or someone else? What does it matter if it was a terrorist attack or an internal rivalry? It won’t change my life and it certainly won’t change yours. It may, however, change the lives of those who are still in the AoL, but that is also not a problem. I thank my aggressors every minute for having helped me get out of that blurry world.

The fact I write about it does not mean anything other than I am writing about it, just as a journalist writes about a story. There are days I have more time to moderate the comments, and there are days I don't. There are days I don't care, there are days I feel motivated to. It is only clicking a button after all! Writing for this blog has helped me see through a lot of things in me and in the AoL phenomena, as I understand it has also helped many current and former devotees process their confusion and pain. It was not just me. I know there are a lot out there going through what I went through for so long.

The only thing that makes me sad though is to see the hatred, feverishness, fanaticism, thought process, lust, greed, immaturity that the AoL commentators project with their comments. Yet, with all due respect, of course, they are convinced they make smart remarks and are absolutely correct in their conclusions. Where did the spirituality go? How can they teach and spread spirituality when they handle those who don't agree with them this way? At least I am not teaching anymore and probably, like many, I should have never taught at all. It is not just about reciting a few cute phrases or counting 4-4-6-2 or pressing a play button to a So Ham tape. Not even Ravishankar lives the knowledge, and if the teachings led people to true spirituality, then many things that happen, would not happen, and an AoL police would not be here together with other devotees posting with aggression. There is a lot more responsibility involved than one fathoms in teaching those courses. I would think true spirituality should lead one to greater humbleness and all-encompassion.

However, their minds and practice are all about good vs. bad, you vs. me, us vs. they, policing those who do not agree or control, whether they are out or in the AoL. Sadly, it happens also to teachers and volunteers inside the organization! But, as I grew out of it, I found out life is a lot more than that!

Believing that those who do not agree or do not see RS as the God almighty does not mean anything but simply that. What happened with “not seeing intentions behind people’s mistakes” then? Why can’t they see it as just as mistake? There is a lot of ignorance in the world and as far as it concerns me, it is all relative. Maybe I am ignorant for not seeing Ravi as god, maybe they are ignorant for seeing Ravi as god. At the end of the day, does it really matter? The truth is it only matters to them.

Some of the people whose comments are the most nasty are people I remember way back when they just joined the movement and/or even before they became teachers. Most of them were very nice and sweet people. Somehow, inevitably, as people become teachers and get more and more involved, something shifts and the niceness disappears. I wonder what will happen to these people if AoL falls one day, or if RS decides to run away with USD 7 million like Nithyananda did.

There is no good vs. bad, no us vs. they. As far as it concerns me, they can blame me of anything they want, insult as much as they need to. Of course, with an incident that hits so close, someone needs to be blamed because otherwise it could only mean there are problems inside the organization and RS. How can anyone, but a disgruntled idiot, not like RS? I was shocked myself when I found out there are many out there! Reading the Guruphiliac and other articles that questioned the AoL or denounced certain discrepancies was perhaps one of the most shocking yet liberating experiences after I left the organization. I had been convinced for so many years AoL was the best and if anyone doubted it, it was due to ignorance, jealousy, bad karma, low prana. One of the most embarrassing moments in my recent life was when someone asked the name of the organization I belonged to for so many years and a day later, having not shared anything about it or the reason why I left, said, “How long did it take you to realize it is a scam?” I was stunned. How did it take me so many years to realize but one second for this guy? To make matters worse, as the first AoL hate comments started flowing into the blog yesterday, I sent a few to him to see and he said, “You are not taking them seriously, are you? These people act like teenagers and write brainlessly!” Again. How did it take me so long to realize this but one second for this guy?

Thus, I always come back to the question: what inside me did not allow me to see thru the truth and instead permitted so much abuse in my life? What was wrong in me? I don't hate them. I know they have no other choice but to attack me and anyone else in my similar stand. People like me challenge the comfort zone in their mind and heart. If anything, I feel bad for them. Nothing about the AoL comes with peace, soothingness, belongingness, harmony. Do I remember those days!

Of course, reading these hate mails is not fun (and I know it upsets many) but it certainly confirms my decision to leave this toxic community. I pat myself in the back realizing I no longer fear them and my mind is clearer everyday. Sadly, I probably had become zombie like them at some point or the other. It is impossible not to when that is your environment, association, language and education, and when one is trained to be and think that way. It is impossible to reason with them. It is impossible to reason with arrogance, self-righteousness and greed. They have their fanaticism to defend, but beyond that, they have feelings and a life to defend and justify. Waking up to the truth, questioning the validity of it all is a lot more painful. I went through it. I know.

They take this blog as a personal attack, they see intentions, they fire hatred, as if I was the only one who thinks and feels this way and in an act they are convinced is "ahimsa". How contradictory of all their teachings and actions? Maybe I was the first one to have the courage to express myself in a written form, publicly. But there are many out there too. Perhaps Vinay was luckier for getting only one bullet in his thigh. These bullets of hatred and insanity in the form of comments and blog persecution are a lot worse. But, unfortunately, nothing that is not familiar to me of the AoL days. Fortunately, I was well groomed for it during my extensive stay with them.

Believe it or not, I don’t care if AoL falls or not, if RS comes out of the closet or not (not in the sexual connotation). I repeat, this blog is just my journal to help me heal and deprogram. If I was interested in exposing or defaming, I would be writing different stories, with full names and details. This blog has served its purposed in marvelous ways and thru the writing, I have gained "consciousness" after a long deadly comma.

Art of Living-free people: please do not waste anymore time with this incident. It really does not matter who was the target nor the contradictions of the stories. We left. We are free. We own our minds and lives again. Is there anything more important than that? Just sit back, relax, let them feel important and enjoy the fun of the drama. Someone will tell you the end of the story. Whether the truth of the incident is unveiled or not, it also does not matter. Not everything that is good prevails and not everything that is bad falls. The only thing that matters is we are free! And it certainly feels SO GOOD to be Art of Living-free!

I do wish everyone the best. I do wish my former friends find peace beyond the indoctrination and fanaticism. I do wish Ravi the best too. He is a guy who started with good intentions (I hope) and I do hope that at some point, he remembers what they were.

The only truth is there is a lot more to the world than the Art of Living. The Art of Living does not even account for 1% of the world population and, just as it came, so shall it go. It is the nature of life. Wasn’t that one of the pillars of knowledge?

It is all changing.

Peace.

Liar, liar, pants on fire!

Ravishankar loves being the center of attention and definitely loves being in the news. Again, he made it. Times of India writes on the 31st of May 2010, “Sri Sri Ravi Shankar escapes bid on life as man fires at car.”

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/india/Sri-Sri-Ravi-Shankar-escapes-bid-on-life-as-man-fires-at-car/articleshow/5992391.cms

I know that an incident like this should provoke some sympathy or pity in me towards him. I know. But, even if I try hard, I find nothing but laughter. I know it is politically incorrect but I find it humorous.

Here it is. The guy who spoke down on Gandhiji, insinuating that the man known for his message of non-violence, “ahimsa”, died in a violent way because he had violence within. Here is the man who waved off female devotees raped or beaten up by his devotees by telling them it was their fault or that they deserved it since “Violence attracts violence. Your karma.” Here it is. The man who always boasted nothing would ever happen to him because he was pure love, while speaking ill of other gurus, attacked by gunfire.

It truly amazes me how skillful he is at turning things around and manipulating people. “Violence attracts violence”, he always insisted, but when he is the one attracting violence he says, “For one who is established in non-violence, all kinds of hostility ceases.” Gee! How convenient! Can you please make up your mind? Is that how he will distract everyone from the incident that actually counts? That HE attracted violence to himself, even for just that moment, even if the attack did not fulfill its purpose?! HE ATTRACTED VIOLENCE.

At the end of the day, he turns the knowledge up and down in whichever way satisfies his needs. But, like a friend cleverly said, “Maybe he should listen to more knowledge.”

To make it worse, I guess his act had its effect on some people since someone left a comment in this blog blaming “disgruntled people” for the attack.

You got to be kidding me! Honey, wake up! Is RS never responsible for anything? When he attacks, he is helping us grow and eliminate our bad karmas. But when he is attacked, it is our fault. The truth is more disgruntled people should come out to do something about all the illegal activities that occur thru and in his organization, ranging from exploitation, to swindling, to cheating, to physical abuse, to sexual harassment and fondling, etc. He himself, not a little blog, is responsible for today’s attack. And, I bet it is not the first time nor the first person who has wanted to “get rid of him.” Believe it or not, he has broken too many families and ruined the lives of just too many.

For a long time after the Silver Jubilee, a heavily criticized event for its poor organization, mess, money scam and high level of unjustifiable narcissism, Bhanu and RS spent month trying to create pity on people by saying over and over again how he received so many threats, but despite it all, he kept the show going for his devotees and world peace. It was their lame way of distracting people from the obvious: the event was another failure and scam. He was “so busy” saving us from bombs and envious people. Back then, I remember hearing it with admiration. His life was at stake yet he kept the show going for the love of his devotees and the world! I still remember even the tone in which they'd speak about it just so that we'd feel bad. "Such an amazing guy! The world cannot stand so much light."

However, today’s news made me wake up and realize for the first time: for Heaven’s sake, he put thousands of life at risk just so that he could a few days of self-gratification and beat a Guiness record? Highly irresponsible. He is too narcissistic to worry about anyone else but himself.

I must be cured because today he did not manage to provoke any sympathy, pity or admiration for him, and definitely no guilt, but just disgust and humor. I am laughing at the lack of coherence and the obvious manipulation and sociopathology. I am laughing because today I see him very very very small. So pathetically small. I would not even be surprised if he planned it all just to get more news and distract people from the bad publicity he has been getting. Fame through pity sometimes work but I hope it won't.

At least in this blog, sympathy, guilt and pity won’t do it. Ravi & CO. still need to show more accountability, transparency and integrity. I still hope more people open their eyes to realize the farce. In his own words, “Karma is catching up, baby. Check on the violence inside you. Maybe you should do more seva? Have you been doing your sadhana everyday?”

Important note: Having expressed all of the above, it is important to clarify I do not wish RS anything bad, and definitely, I am glad nothing bad happened to him. I do not mean to ridicule the situation but I find humor in the incoherence and obvious manipulation of knowledge given the event, while at the same time, it is a self-reflection of how brain-washed I used to be, having fallen into the trap of those mind games too. I am aware the arguments in this article may offend some people. Apologies if it does.

Perfect message in a classic rhyme:

Liar, liar, pants on fire,
Hanging by a thread on a telephone wire!

Run Forrest! Run!!!!

BY KLIM

Teachers come and go. Just as devotees come and go. In fact, contrary to the AoL declarations, more go than come, and it is few who stay. Yet, despite all that fuzz AoL makes around the “sacred tape”, when a teacher leaves, they do not demand him/her to return the tape and manuals. It is often the teacher him/herself who does it out of a sense of duty or just to get rid of “that”; or otherwise, if in an area there is a despotic teacher, that one will most likely savor the opportunity to exercise the power and authority to request for them. All in all, the saddest funniest thing is the one returning the tape is happy, the one demanding for it is mad. I then wonder, actually how truly sacred is that tape and those manuals after all? How real is the copyright symbol we see in almost all their materials!?

There is a big dramatization around how difficult and sacred it is to have that tape, as if it was some Holy Grail. One needs to go thru torturous TTC, where bashing and smashing are part of the payment, thousands of dollars in course fees, followed by endless expenses that come before and thereafter organizing courses to prove one is deserving, attending courses to keep purifying, following RS for a drop of grace or two, buying books and tapes, etc. As a former teacher friend of mine said, “Don’t return the tape. You paid for it.” I had never thought about it until I heard it. Cheers to that wise observation and advise!

Unlike all other former teachers I know, RS asked for my tape when I turned down his offer to buy my silence. It was the first time I fully reckoned “the guru has a big ego" - a combination of hurt huge ego and worry is what I finally concluded. As funny as it seems, he worries I will create my own stuff, teach courses with the material he plagiarized and put in the form of “Art of Living courses”. Bottom line, that I become a competition. In another lifetime, I could have prided his fear is an indication of my competence. However, in this lifetime, I find it pathetic for it is revealing of the true nature of the organization and how little did he really know me. Though for a long time his bashing haunted me in paralyzing effects that impeded me from doing anything, today I realize I am more capable than I have ever been accredit for, and that because of it, RS and CO. trashed me but not before extracting all the juice out of me.

Though this blog was created out of a personal need, and a humble and shameful space, perhaps I am not wrong to state this is one proof of it. When I hear the efforts he is doing with his teams to undermine this blog, a little voice in my head says, “You want to copy even a blog you copy-cat? You are seriously afraid of a little blog? Of a little someone you trashed? You should have been nicer to me and I would have blogged in your favor! ;) ”

On another hand, another ex full-timer got this note from the "Holy Offices of His Excellency": “Further, we would like to state that you cannot use our name or any of our techniques / content for any purpose whatsoever.”

If anything, one cannot argue they are hilarious - hilariously arrogant and stupid. They try too hard to be the best and the professionals they are not. Maybe they should try harder. What does he mean? That this person, or in any case, all of us who left, cannot breathe, meditate, be vegetarian, do yoga, accept people as they are, live the present moment, not see intentions behind people’s mistakes anymore? It reminds me of the time he ridiculed the journalist who asked him if AoL was for everyone and he replied, “What do you mean? Breathing is not for everyone?” Ravi, dear, you really contradict yourself too much yet you still think the world is stupid?!

In a self-analysis and criticism, I notice that many teachers (especially full-timers) have in common 1. a distorted combination of arrogance and low self-esteem. The more arrogant the teacher is, the lower their self-esteem; 2. an unreal need to get the approval of a paternal figure/authority/people in general - in this case, RS and, often, students; 3. an incapacity to cope with their own life, a need to run away/hide/shelter from something; 4. some almost cute degree of gullibility; 5. the more involved, extreme behaviors that include being abusive, lacking sympathy, non-stop crying, sudden shouting (called, as per AoL teachers, "pita outbreak"), vulnerability, constant ups and downs, and unmeasurable anger, etc.; 6. some intense desire/need to serve, though for some, an intense desire to be served.

As a full-timer/teacher leaves, the sense of vacuum is too vast many don’t know how to cope with it. The sense of guilt and shame are overwhelming. The feeling of incapacity – the head does not work, the memory is not there, the ability to use the intellectual faculties neither, the lack of sense of reality with regards to the world, the loss of friendships/family/ networking, the lack of curriculum to find a job, the lack of financial means and many times, legal paperwork, problems with the spine. You go from being surrounded by people, emails, importance to absolutely NOTHING. Not even one email from your best pal asking how you are. Even worse, the one you considered even more important than your own life and family is nowhere to be found, but you still remember he told you he’d love and take care of you for ever. The inner struggle and pain are, thus, excruciating and confusing.

Furthermore, many teachers (especially full-timers) leave with a sense of paranoia. Often when I talk with one they underline the same phrase many times: “Please do not tell anyone what I told you. Promise you won’t tell.” One is constantly fearful people will be discussing about you or that someone is going to betray you by divulging something about you. In fact, being more exposed to the lions and to the war zone, a full-timer is more vulnerable, has been more abused and been under more abusers, thus, more exposed to betrayals than anyone else. A friend is never a friend but a potential enemy who will sell you at any given time but until then and despite it all, you belong to each other and you got to reciprocate "to be in the knowledge". At the end of the day, it is inevitable one develops some degree of neurosis and paranoia.

Unfortunately, I still don’t know of any teacher who has left immaculate from the organization. Using AoL words, no one has left “stronger, more capable to cope with the world and difficulties, more centered, at peace and mature”. To begin with, the psychological trauma one has to overcome and all that comes with it is not a deal of just a few months, a year or two. Many, still scarred by the AoL brain-wash are ashamed of seeking therapy. The physical damages require all sorts of medical supervision that not even doctors understand. Unfortunately, it is not until one gets strong that one can take care of life, step by step. In the meantime, trying to find a job, earn money, learn to be in the world again, make new friends (or, in some cases, make friends!), patch holes with the family (which often one ignored for so long). It is not easy at all, certainly, not quick either. Looking back, I see a gap in my life and, gee! I got to catch up!

I am lucky I kept in touch with non-AoL friends who, despite always knowing I was in a cult, offered me unconditional support, compassion, empathy and love. Without them, recovery would have been even more difficult. The loneliness, confusion, disappointment, pain I felt for so long, and which sometimes still hit me are so deep, the only thing that serves as consolation is reminding myself that being in that shithole, loosing my freedom and my own identity is worse. Somehow, one is a phantom citizen who reappeared on Earth after a long absence, as if one resuscitated from a comma.

I feel those who are still living in La-La land need to hear the other side of a story too. The one not many dare to share but exists. If the education we got in AoL was that good, I guarantee, most senior old-time teachers would not be there anymore! Setting someone free is a sign of growth and love. Believe me, most senior teachers are not there because of their conviction, love and faith in the path but rather, because they fear not making it in the world! They are broken individuals themselves but are the role models in AoL. At the end of the day, instead of uplifting human values, one looses the value of oneself and those that should be practiced.

My basic course teacher was eager I became a full-timer but when I was big time screwed by the AoL and when the damages of being a full-timer became evident, especially financially, she was not there for me either. It is like the story RS tells in the Ashtavakra: the man stole for his wife and his children to have a good life, but when he asked them if they’d share the karma of the actions with him, they said, “No way.”

When I was a full-timer people praised me for my courage and selflessness. Everyone reminded me I’d get such good merits. They admired me. They wanted to be my friend. I wonder, does not being a full-timer for RS now mean I don’t have courage, selflessness, good merits, virtues? What does it say about those who help you only when you belong to their same beliefs? Is that not cultic behavior after all? Fanaticism? You’d be surprised to know how many people are afraid of helping a former full-timer even though they know the abuse the person went through and the struggle therafter. It still upsets me when I hear of someone donating to the AoL phantom seva projects, despite knowing about the frauds, but won’t give someone whose life was spoiled by it even masala for one cup of chai.

There is nothing glorious about being a full-timer or a part-time teacher. It is gloriously stupid to give ones life to a fraud. Seva can be done in myriad ways and anywhere. Growth can happen without locking oneself to an organized path. Spirituality can occur at all times, without the need to kiss anyone’s feet or abide to any practices. Giving up one's life, avoiding it, pausing it, giving it away is not a solution or a sign of superiority. Certainly, it should not be an option.

Learn from those who today have the courage to share their mistakes, pain and struggle. As one of my favorite movies wisely said, “Run Forrest! Run!!!!”

YES. RUN!!!

"It's our choices Harry, that show us what we truly are, far more than our abilities." (Harry Potter)

A Full-Timer Night's Dream

BY KLIM

Since I left the AoL, many teachers have too. And as they do, I hear from them one by one. Though the details of the stories may vary, in essence they are very much the same. However, inevitably, the inner conflict each one has before leaving and the damages one walks out with are very similar, varying perhaps just in depth and length, or on whether one was a full-time or part-time teacher.

Though comparing who suffered most is not fair in any case of abuse, I do notice that full-timers leave with a heavier load to deal with.

As I lately have been lending an ear to a few former colleagues/ full-time teachers, I can’t help but ponder on the circumstances that lead us to the array of sensations, reactions, habits, fears post “cult-exit”. The thought, “it is just like a dream …. a bad dream … like a midsummer night’s dream” kept ringing in my head like a rhyme to a poem, and thus, the title “A full-timer night’s dream”. As I read Shakespeare’s masterpiece, I laughed at the realization it has a lot in common with that which we lived in the AoL. Of course, Shakespeare’s was a comedy, a grand master piece. Ravishankar’s is a version of cheap tragic comedy, a master fraud. But it definitely shares the leit-motifs of deception, fantasy made reality, authority becoming archaic, the dark side of love, magical thinking.

Becoming a “full-time teacher” is, without any doubt, the dream of most AoLers, of all ages. My own basic course teacher’s dream was I became a full-time teacher. Full-timers somehow fall into the trick of feeling somehow “the chosen ones”, as if the status of full-time exploited slave was a sign of higher evolution. I have witnessed people beg Ravishankar to let them be a full-timer. I have also witnessed people manipulate Ravishankar into being a full-timer. I have even seen people to which RS clearly said, “No” turn around and inform the world they were blessed to be a full-timer. I have also known of many cases of teachers who self-nominate themselves full-timers because they have no other responsibilities and don’t need to worry about money (usually rich ladies). In some cases, I need to give Ravi some credit. I have heard him instruct some to finish school or to get married. But, understanding beyond the apparent concern, he was very smart at who he made full-timer or not.

If one was young with a lot of money and/or an important family background/name, he’d usually tell them to finish school, marry, be in politics or be in Daddy’s business to get more money for the “seva projects”. If one was older with a lot of money, he’d also have them pretend to be a full-timer while he grabbed their money and literally, their free labor. Expenses usually would not be reimbursed to these people, neither a stipend or a 10% income. They were wealthy! That is their underline duty given their good karma!

On a large scale, usually either extremely efficient, charismatic young people with obedient and unquestioning minds and good hearts, or the very easy manipulated, highly ambitious people with no mind at all, or the ones hiding from the world/life, or otherwise those who could not do anything in the world, were made full-timers. A sad truth which ends usually in, one is good for him until he sucks one dry or until one starts to think of his/her own and/or starts to see through the unethical practices of the organization and the Ravishankar sociopathic behaviours. At that moment, his unconditional love suddenly disappears, though, of course, he makes you understand back-stabbing you, kicking you in the ass, lying about you, etc. are all part of his love for you, his sacrifice for your growth.

I never quite liked the “Catholic” expression of growth through suffering, but unfortunately, out of habit and after a while, as a full-timer, one recognized that as the norm. Some full-timers even felt proud of having to suffer through it with no food, difficulties getting medical treatment, no housing, no basic needs. The overall common worry all full-timers went through at some point or the other was so overwhelming, many started “taking care” of their situation by keeping money "on the side". Unfortunately, some take advantage of their status as a full-timer to get freebies through “illegal enrichment”. As time goes by, I recognize all the neurotic attitudes and thinking processes I acquired from my years of involvement as a full-timer. Even today, I worry about what will happen to me tomorrow. The constant fear that I won’t be taken care of, or that I won’t have to eat, or that I won’t know where I will sleep, or that plans change without any reason nor back-up plan, is a neurosis I constantly struggle with. I do the daily exercise of reminding myself the world works with more accountability.

Whereas I don’t care if AoL falls or not, I do worry about the youngsters who enroll everyday and even more, those who die to be a full-timer and all those he is actually making full-timers. When one is young, one is too idealistic and naive to understand "god" may back-stab you too.

If I could do it all over again, I wished some reasonable adult would have knocked me out of the stupidity of becoming a full-timer. Today I struggle, not only because I paused my professional career, but also the possibility of getting a higher degree, which could have helped me get a better job, but mainly I paused my personal life. At my age, all my friends are owners of a beautiful homes, car, vacations, family. When I look at my own life, I see a gap. Trying to catch up where I left 15 or more years ago is not something one does in just one split second. Not to mention, the struggle to get by financially.

When I became a full-timer some people gave me stuff to help me out. When I left, no one helped me back to life. Most did not even speak to me again. And believe me, that is what and when I most needed help! Somehow, I went into oblivion and instead of getting that Divine help and "I belong to you" I was made to believe I signed up for for ever, instead, I get written threats and a damaged psychological condition, dyslexia, memory problems and endless bills spent in recovering my health.

Reinserting in society is not an easy process neither is reinventing oneself.

I was perhaps one of the first generation of full-timers, thus I did not have any other reference. Today I see how damaged all these senior full-timers are, and I remember our conversations in which each one cried, cursed, blamed, yelled. Those include TTC teachers, presidents, advanced course teachers, meditation teachers, swamis. One thing we learned well: to keep up the good face, the smile and fake it until we made it, but behind the doors, even some well-known TTC/Blessings course teacher have yelled out, "This is a sect! How do I get out of a sect? I am stuck! What can I do now in life?" Looking back, “being the chosen one” is actually the worst curse. Most senior teachers are still where they are because they don't have the guts to go back to life and be a nobody or face the challenge and reality that they will most likely not get a job or be respected in the world.

Thus, to the young people out there: “Study, get a degree, don’t give up anything, do seva on your side, be realistic, think with your two feet on the ground, ask yourself what are you really trying to evade that you want to run away from life? The organization will not take care of you and you won’t be a special case. Be realistic. Cherish your life, your skills, yourself, open your eyes.”

In Shakespeare’s words: “An overflow of good converts to bad.”

Happy Free-Day (and new blog)

BY KLIM

There was a time that on this date, May 13th, we'd congratulate each other with a "happy birthday", and of course, move around with anticipation of the big date, event, overflowing ecstasy to celebrate the birthday of the one we considered our "guru", our spiritual master, our best friend, the one who knew our soul and loved us unconditionally, even beyond death.

Plenty of times I heard RS state the entire world would celebrate his 80th birthday. The UN would one day be singing bhajans in his honour and sing him happy birthday. In fact, coincidentally, when he turns 50, the AoL turns 25 - silver and gold jubilee - he made it a point to highlight this fact, as if it was some Divine planning and we, somehow, brain-dead, gasped in surprise and fascination.

Back then, brain-washed, brain-dead, enchanted and fooled by this "package of promises and apparent perfection", we did not question the self-centeredness and absolute narcissism of the matter. Today, when I look back, I puke in disgust at the thought of it all. How did I not figure out earlier this was about a highly self-centered man who is too enamored by his own image and whose libido depends on abusing and extracting at the expense of innocent souls? The ones manipulable because of their idealistic nature and love for serving humankind, and the ones with some degree of psychological instability, vulnerability and need? It is all about him and he rejoices in it. I guess when he talks about "stop thinking about me me me", he actually means, "only think of him him him" - from "me" to "Him" (Ravishankar "HIM") lies the key of AoL joy. The more devotion people pour on him, the more power he seems to get. He even seems bigger! And even bigger in India where crowds are larger. "Vampirism" is a term that comes to mind.

Today is a day I ponder on my own mistakes as I still struggle with the ghosts of my past and the sporadic traumatic flashbacks that hit here and there. As much as I'd love to erase those many years of cult abuse in a just a magic touch, since there is no magic that can undo that, I choose to live it with responsibility, the courage to face each challenge step by step, and the loneliness this entails. Little acts like learning to trust in people again, remembering not everyone I meet will be such psychotic "asses", learning to discern again between good and bad and trust my own intuition, trusting I won't make the same mistakes again, deleting all the psychological abuses RS himself and company churned in my mind, may be insignificant to the average person, but a leap of faith of huge distances for someone like me. I guess, above all, understanding that if one failed once, if one was fooled once, one will not fail and be fooled again. In fact, I am of the opinion that it is those who manage to make the painful exit of cult abuse that are strong. Succumbing to it is the weakness he and the system need in order to succeed.

May 13th is a date I unfortunately probably will never forget because of what it represents in my life - the deception, the abuse, the lies, the manipulation, the psychosis, the sociopathy, my years of innocence, idealism, fanaticism, brain-washing, irrationality ... mere stupidity. Thus, I also have chosen to make this my day of freedom.

I recently heard someone say, "Without freedom of expression there is no evolution."

May I, you, we never forget the beauty and value of freedom of the soul, freedom of expression, freedom of the mind, freedom of living, and to, first and foremost, value and trust ourselves. If God and one are ONE then growth, evolution, spirituality is within and does not, should not ever depend on anyone else, and even less, giving our power away. Cherish and love yourself. We were once deceived not because we were stupid or had "bad karma". We were innocent and idealist souls. Let's humbly learn from our mistakes and cultivate that mind and heart that once inspired us to find a spiritual path and selflessly serve others. Learning from my mistakes and having the courage of admitting them is a wealth that I can proudly call mine. Let's pave our path with awareness, self-love, trust, and knowledge founded in our hearts, with precious care, critical thinking and responsible freedom.

Happy Free-Day to you all! And a true "Victory to the Guru that dwells inside you", that guru which is you and only you.

And as a perfect birthday present, check out the new blog: www. aolfree.wordpress.com and, though numbers don't matter, in a sarcastic note, please note that this is the only related to AoL thing that is truly what it is and not manipulated information by anyone: "Confessions of a Guruholic" has reached more than 100,000 hits in less than 6 months. "Celebrate in silence"? ;)

Life after leaving AoL

BY HUMBLE WITNESS

During my recent Spring-cleaning effort, I was astonished at the volume of AoL materials I had amassed over the years. Boxes of unused flyers and promotional materials, file after file of course documentation and accounting paperwork, piles of course registration forms, shelves of books with rs’s face prominently displayed on the cover (with his characteristic “I am enlightened” expression), boxes of tapes and CDs of “knowledge” or satsang music, name tags, note cards, and other assorted course supplies had lined my storage unit and invaded my office and living spaces for years. As I sorted through it all, and took a good look at each piece of evidence of my long-term and deep involvement with AoL, I was reminded of the countless hours and dollars I had wasted on a facade. But instead of feeling the usual resentment toward AoL and rs for taking advantage of mine (and others’) good intentions, I was overcome with a sense of liberation as I hauled all that stuff to the dumpster. When I reflect on the events that have brought me to this point, a place I would have never imagined coming to even a year ago, I am left wondering why I didn’t wipe AoL out of my life even sooner.

It has taken quite a while for me to wean myself away from AoL, and at times I needed support from others to get through it. It took at least two years of reluctant involvement with the org and suppressing that feeling of “something’s not quite right” for me to finally take the plunge and announce that I was leaving. What really helped me in that transition phase was the support and encouragement I got from loved ones (who saw right through the cult from the very first day), and the space provided by the Guruphiliac blog to share my experiences. It took two months after that initial decision to leave AoL for me to stop doing the kriya altogether. It had been such a deeply ingrained habit--I rarely missed a day in 6 years. At first, I was afraid that I would lose my “centeredness” and “glow” after sadhana. All it took was a little research into the effects of hyperventilation on the body for me to realize that sk is harmful, and to drop it completely. And believe it or not, I am still very centered, and I have since been complemented on my “glow”, so I gather that there was never any connection. It took me another month or so to start eating meat again, and another several months to take a sip of champagne at a wedding—my first sip of alcohol after many many years. And no, I have not gotten depressed, drained of energy, eaten by doubts, or turned into a pumpkin due to “low prana”. Quite the opposite, actually, I have never felt more healthy and alive.

I realize that during the past several months, I have been in the process of re-building myself. Through the years I had been involved with AoL, I gradually allowed the aol dogma and the herd mentality to overwrite my own independent thinking. I became one of those puppet aol teachers who wore light-colored clothes and a plastic smile while parroting the dogma. But on the inside, I would be suppressing my own preferences, desires, and “negative” emotions such as fear and anger. Anytime I needed to make a big life decision, I was encouraged by “senior” teachers to seek guidance from “Guruji” in the form of a private conversation (if I was lucky), or an e-mail (I was told he reads them all), or a prayer (because apparently he answers them all). I did what “Guruji” and the teachers and the group expected of me, and in that process, I forgot who I was. To this day, I still cannot recall the old me who got lost, and I find myself left having to fill in the blanks to re-build my own personality.

Just a year ago, I would have told you that I hate onions and garlic (because they have “low prana”), that coffee is bad for you, that I don’t like to wear black, and the best thing to do in the morning is to wake up really early to do an hour of sadhana. For that reason, I would have advised you to do an AoL course whether you were suffering from marital difficulties or constipation, and I might have even paid your way if I thought you really “needed” it. Now, I have discovered that I love the taste of onion and garlic, I look great in black (and actually prefer it), and I still like to wake early--not to do any sort of practice, but rather to sip on a nice cup of coffee and get my day started right away so I can be productive. And certainly, I would advise anyone against doing an AoL course lest you get sucked into a cult that can cause plenty of physical and mental damage.

It has been so very liberating to be free of aol, and I have not since felt compelled to pursue any form of replacement spiritual practice (even though I had been meditating in some form or other since I was a teenager). Now, I live by the “golden rule” that we all learned in the first grade (“Do unto others as you would have them do unto you”), and so far, it has guided me quite well.

Sri Sri, Free Free, Fraud Fraud, LOL LOL

BY KLIM

Apparently what came out of the meeting between the AoL US board and Sri Sri to discuss how the blog “Confessions of a Guruholic” has “become a virus” is the creation of another blog led by two of their marketing people (Harish Ramachandran, CEO of Sumeru India, and Bharathy): www.artoflivingfreefree.blogspot.com. In the same way I no longer read “esatsang” or visit any AoL websites, I also have not checked out this one. I have no doubt, however, they will do a good job - in style, content, schemes. After all, the AoL is what it is due to witty marketing!

I am, however, still processing my thoughts and feelings about it. It is the ultimate fall of someone who once was my “idol”. If I still had any hopes or ideas that perhaps RS was a good person corrupted by power, I sadly have no longer any doubts we are facing a man greatly blinded by power, led by acute narcissism. I don’t know whether to worry, laugh, pity or fear them. This is the story of a man who claims to be a spiritual enlightened master, but also of one who is afraid of losing power to a blog. If there is truth in anything he does and who he is, including his condition of “spiritual master” and “enlightened being”, then, he/they would not even bother campaigning against it by defending themselves, convincing anyone of anything or “exposing” anything. Truth speaks alone. A blog that desperately goes out to negate another only insinuates weakness and deceit. I am afraid Ravishankar is neither well-assessed nor thinking with the “big mind”. The ultimate, absolute fall of my former “idol”.

A "blog blog" will only weaken their status and bring more popularity to this one. I and Co. are not interested in numbers, hits, popularity. I keep insisting this blog was not created with the intention of defaming anyone or anything. This blog was created with the sole purpose of allowing healing, sharing, recovery (mainly, that of my own). If I were interested in defaming, other kind of stories would have been published, with full names, details, locations, etc. Whereas we used to justify the “nasty” by exhonerating the guru of any wrong-doing, this finally teaches me it is all only an expression of the guru. As the popular saying states (and he also does), “we become like the one we love.”

However, I only have one question that rhymes to “where have all the flowers gone?” - “Where did all the knowledge go?” Wasn’t it that we should not be “football of other people’s opinions”, “not see intentions behind people’s mistakes”, “not make the mistake of going against other’s mistakes”, “we are all responsible for everything”, “I belong to you”, “accept people as they are”, “love our enemy”, “love is not an emotion it is our very own existence”? Where did all the knowledge go???

I understand the blog has 2 “free” in its title, and something about “exposing the guruholics”. Thus, my second question: can fanaticism lead to so much stupidity they actually cannot even think? The title “Confessions of a Guruholic” is a criticism of myself, of my years of brain-washed, brain-dead guru addict. I was a “guruholic” and no longer am, thus, the “confessions” (though they say, once an addict, always an addict. I, for one, do not want to see a guru in any size, shape and color for quite many life times). Whatever attack or exposing they do to the “guruholics” will only be of themselves since they are the only “guruholics” here! Noone following this blog, except AoLers, are “guruholics”! Sadly, their hatred and fanaticism does not allow them to realize this. Is it all only about conquering the world or smashing those who do not agree with them? Is it really all only about money, as I am told by many?

Further, in a logical equation, “artoflivingfree” means, free of AoL. By double negating it, their subliminal message is one cannot be free of the AoL. Whatever you do to free yourself of it, they will eliminate because there is nothing such as being free of “it”. Freeing the free means there is no free. Question: Wasn’t it that spiritual evolution gives and leads one to freedom? What happened with “a master is happiest when the disciple transcends him”?

With just a little bit of reason and critical thinking, any half intelligent person will see the only message AoL is sending with this attempt is the confirmation they are a cult of a bunch of fanatics who rule with despotism.

Many people have expressed they find this campaign ludicrous. I find it sad and disturbingly embarrassing. This is what the man whose feet I once touched and the organization I once represented narrows down to. Not even an ounce of dignity, integrity or elegance. Further, they keep accusing a friend for being Klim and leading this blog. In the last month she’s received 2 written threats from Ravishankar. Excuse me, wasn’t it Ravishankar knows it all?

And so, in the spirit of maintaining the true essence of this blog, we will add their link to ours under "Helpful Links", for the love and respect of freedom of speech and of the being and because “opposite values are complimentary”. We were not allowed to express nor think on our own while with them, and though they try to censor us even when we are no longer with them, it is our intrinsic birthright (just like “having a body free of diseases and a mind free of stress”). It is sad to see how many people leave the organization totally destroyed, disheartened, shaken, confused, ill. Few people understand the pain of spiritual rape and deception, of cult abuse and brain-washing. Though I have attempted to shut down this blog many times due to lack of time and (I must confess) interest because I grow tired of hearing about AoL, “Confessions of a Guruholic” will remain here for those who need a place to heal, share and be heard, because there is need and it is a free world. People are only righteously demanding for transparency. That is all. There is nothing wrong with that. RS/AOL should not be afraid of it nor defend themselves. If they humbly understood this, they could improve their organization.

However, it seems RS & Co. are in the mood for war but I am not. It was never about that. It was about love, love for myself, the love that I did not have while blindly working for him while worshipping him, thinking I was being led towards spiritual growth. Scream, threaten the wrong people, threaten me, lie, but, if you could see me now, you will see a big sincere smile in my face and peace in my heart. I am happy to be truly FREE. If RS were a true Master, he would only just be happy for me and give me his blessings (instead of curses).

I salute those who have deceived, betrayed, hurt and lied about me. The feverishness, hatred, fanaticism, ambition, fears I’ve found and keep discovering in the AoL have taught me great lessons, and keep further adding maturity, strength and depth in my life. As I often say, ever since I left the AoL, I have found real spirituality. In humble gratitude.

Eaten Up By My Own Mind (part 2: The Curse)

BY NICK (continued)

Well, the meeting ended badly. He hadn't read the mail. I had anticipated that, so I had a print-out which I handed over to him, on my way out -in complete shock. This is what I wrote down on my laptop, immediately afterwards:

I gotta write this down before I forget. I went to the meeting. He started telling us about a great spiritual time starting from 2011, and how until then we would see people losing faith and falling into darkness. I told him then that I personally had lost faith in him, but I did not feel particularly in darkness, quite the opposite. I told him I had some issues with the organisation and in particular his person. He cut me off and started talking about faith, how important it is to be faithfull. I told him I had lost faith in his Divine status, and felt no worse for that. He got angry and started shouting: ”Do you know me? Do you think you really know me?” I was pretty subdued at that time, not able to do anything but stammer something. That happens, when a person that I have considered for 10 years to be the closest thing to a living God starts shouting at me. Then he went on shouting, ”I know your past as well as your future”. Something else -I was scared out of my wits at this time, I don´t remember clearly- and then he said ”you can just leave anytime, nobody is stopping you."

So I left. Clearly he didn't know my future that well, at least he did not seem to have anticipated that: 10 minutes later I got a call from one of his people asking me to come back. I said no. Then another call asking me to come back and give my Kriya tape back to him in person (I had left it with his secretary on the way out). I refused. Another call -I didn't pick it up. Then an sms asking me to hand over the course manual too. I answered back, ”you can have it all”. Then another sms asking me to hand over the course manual -to the Guru, in person. I didn't answer that one.

I wonder what he told my (ex) colleagues after I left? That I was severely deluded? Possesed be a Demon, perhaps? Or maybe that he staged the whole event, to deliberately set me free, for my own sake? I am curious, but I no longer care about his opinion. This event established it for me: the guy is a fake. He lost it, the nice facade cracked and an altogether too human nature shined through.

I am sure some of my ex-colleagues feel very sorry for me right now, as I used to feel very sorry for the people who left the organisation. All I feel now is relief and great joy!

The next days and weeks are a blur in my mind. The emotional stress of leaving AOL after 10 years was tremendous; fear and doubts made gave me bouts of regret. Had I thrown away the most precious thing in my life? Was this the ultimate, bad karma? Immediately after leaving, I sent an e-mail with the two letters above attached, to all the people in AOL that I knew personally, including the people I had taught on courses. It caused some upheavals, as people started forwarding it to others, but curiously enough the only hate-mail I got back was from a German senior teacher, to whom I hadn't sent the mail:

Dear Nick,

I have read your two Emails concerning you views on Guruji and AOL. Maybe Art of Living just needed a "bad" guy; thank you very much for playing that role. But please make sure that u don't drown in the bitterness and hatred. You are so compassionate to save people from being cheated you're your are sending mails to everybody to make them aware so that they don't get cheated . Is it out of compassion for others or out of your own hatred in which you were reeling for some time. Actually its too late, you have been party to it for so many years yourself! Your words have no value now. Did it take so many years for you to realize this???

To know somebody is a fraud, you need to know that person in and out. You never had a chance to know Guruji from close corner. Perhaps that jealousy is what makes you act like. Ask yourself, is it not jealousy that makes you act like this? I have seen Guruji from close corners. His sincerity and simplicity is just mind-blowing. You call him a fraud, yes, but this is absolutely ridiculous.

With best regards
Jgd
Lars

With best regards, Lars? Oookay, if you say so.

A few weeks after my dramatic exit, I met with a former AOL teacher colleague, who also happened to be a friend and business partner. He had been present at the meeting also. Out of curiosity, I asked him what had happened on the meeting, after I left. He told me that SSRS had read my letter. Then when asked by one of the teachers what would happen to the teachers who left the organisation, he had replied: ”They will be eaten up by their own minds”.

Hearing those words, I was paralyzed by fear. My worst fears were confirmed, just like that! I was damned, by my sinful actions! And because of my mail, there was no way back to the Guru's Grace!It took several days of counselling by good friends (also ex-teachers) for me to realize the fact that curses only work on those who believe in them. One very good example is this: http://www.redicecreations.com/article.php?id=10282

Two years have passed since the Guru's curse. I still haven't been eaten up by my own mind. In fact I feel fine, better than ever. I certainly don't miss the stress and sense of urgency permeating AOL, putting most of the teachers in a state of heightened arousal, making them easier to control and manipulate. These words of Janja Lalich have been a great inspiration to me:

"Now that you are no longer on a mission to save the world or your soul, relaxation and rest are no longer sinful. In fact, they are absolutely necessary for a healthy, balanced, and productive life." (Lalich, Janja: "Take Back your Life: Recovering from Cult and Abusive Relationships")

With your mind conditioned by AOL to believe that SSRS is enlightened, a lot of the craziness in AOL doesn't make sense. Still, we excuse His erratic behavior with the usual arguments: it is for the good of all, the Divine works in mysterious ways, etc. An incompetent leader is allowed to keep her job ”because she needs it for her personal growth”, and we are in awe of His compassion.

But once you ask yourself one simple question: ”What if He isn't enlightened? What if He has self-interest?”, then everything makes sense. An incompetent board president is allowed to stay, because unquestioning loyalty is valued more than leadership skills, and because it makes the group easier to control. Fits of rage from the Guru suddently makes sense -the anger is not ”faked”, it is genuine. And the primary motivation of the man who started it all is no longer love and compassion, but greed for power, money and personal fame. As a senior teacher (an elderly Indian woman living in Bad Antogast) once told me: ”He feeds off devotion”. She meant it lovingly, but I think she was right back then, and when I think of the consequences of this -that He is addicted to devotion, seemingly wanting it more and more- it makes me shudder in horror. Joel Kramer describes in his book "The Guru Papers: Masks of Authoritarian Power" how cult leaders often show great love, compassion and tolerance, as long as their growing needs for personal ego gratification are met. As soon as the cult's popularity and growth starts to diminish, the cult leader will often react by weeding out the weak of faith, and strenghening his grip on the remaining members. So my advice to any AOL members reading this is: get out now, while you can, it is bound to get even more crazy than you have experienced until now.

I no longer believe in enlightenment. But do I belive in the opposite, then? Is SSRS the Anti-Christ of all time, purely evil? Actually I believe that he might have started out with the best of intentions, back then. But, as often happens -in the words of Lord Acton (1887): "Power tends to corrupt, and absolute power corrupts absolutely. Great men are almost always bad men." The power you are offered as a Guru, when devotees surrender their free will to you -that is absolute power. If you take it, you are lost, you have gone to the Dark Side.

The whole point of democracy is to limit power, and make the people in powerful positions accountable for any abuse of their power. In business, legislation prevents companies from monopolizing the market, thus preventing them from becoming too powerful. Nothing in the AOL prevents SSRS from aquiring and exerting absolute power; quite the contrary, in fact. Of course the poor guy turns out megalomanic. Yes, he is dangerous. But he is also a victim himself. A victim of misplaced devotion. For as long as there are people in this world willing to trust the word of another above their own judgement, thus bypassing their intellect, we will have Bad Gurus. Maybe it is time to think for ourselves?

Eaten Up By My Own Mind (part 1: Anonymity and Confrontation)

BY NICK

It is exactly two years now, since my exit from AOL. I was a member for 10 years, a teacher for 8 of those. Reading this blog, I sympathize deeply with the people who have been hurt by their affiliation with the organization. I understand the need for anonymity -I myself do not want my full name associated with the organisation. I imagine a future prospective employer googling my name, and there I am, linked to a religious, new-age cult. How embarrasing! So, I am using my ”Nick”name, to write these posts. People who knew me back then will know who I am, and they can make their own judgements as to how reliable my story is. Anyone else... sorry guys! My years in AOL are not something I am proud of. If I am going to be able to put them behind me, I need to be able to keep my name clear of AOL.

Some writers have expressed fear of violent reprisals by AOL'ers, lest their identity be known. I have no fear of that; the AOL teachers and organisers in my area are basically good people, albeit severely deluded. True, there are some genuine nutcases also, more powerful now that many of the good people have left. But the violence in AOL seems to me to be primarily emotional. There is quite a lot of that, though. But I live in a quiet part of the world. Ex-devotees in other countries may have different experiences. As for the fear of legal reprisal: Imagine the organisation suing the authors in this blog, for libel. ”We are not a cult. We do not use mind-control techniques. No money has been siphoned off to private accounts.” Can you imagine AOL doing that? No, me neither.

I no longer do any practice, except for some occasional yoga. I regard the AOL practice as helpful in many instances, potentially harmful only if you overdo it (as many of us did back then) or regard it as a miracle cure for all personal problems, mental and physical -thereby not seeking proper, professional help (yep, we did that too).

In the years before leaving, I had gradually ”lost faith”. A clinical depression, lasting several years, had not lifted, despite SSRS's claim that "I was in a difficult astrological phase, and it would get better next year". A trip to India, personally invited by SSRS to travel with him, left me feeling empty and even more depressed than before. There were no answers to be found in the Holy Land. Personal time with the Master turned out to be... well, boring. And the hysteria, the manipulation of devotees and the general bad craziness was worse than ever before.

One day, sitting in the throes of deep depression, with suicidal thoughts, I suddently realized: He won't be able to save me. In fact, no-one will come to save me. I am alone, and I have to face up to that reality. In that very moment, my three-year long depression lifted, just like that. I also lost the last shreds of faith in the Guru as a person of supernatural power, able to communicate with and and influence people through metaphysical means. I still had faith in his good intentions, though, and a couple of months later, with this new conviction I left home for a National Teachers' Meeting with the man, to test whether my newfound belief would be accepted.

You see, I really enjoyed teaching the course. And I figured, why not be the first atheist AOL teacher? Sure, maybe SSRS believes himself to be enlightened and in posession of divine qualities and supernatural powers. Well hey, everybody are entitled to their own personal beliefs, so why not him also? Maybe some people actually need a guru to whom they can surrender their free will, someone to relieve them of the responsibility of life. Maybe he is doing good things for some people, and only unintentionally messing other people up.

Two days before the meeting, I sent him an e-mail, with copies to my teacher colleagues. This is the mail:

Dear Guruji,
I have two important issues that I would really like to discuss on the National teacher's meeting Saturday, where I will also be present. One regards the Art of Living organisation as a whole, the other regards the local organisation.

My main concern is the emphasis and focus on your person, as a Divine being with supernatural powers. A new Messiah, you might say. In fact, are you aware that a lot of people -teachers in particular- actually believe you to be a reincarnation of Christ? Some of them even claim to have heard you yourself say so. I am not saying that you are not, although personally I find it very unlikely. All I am suggesting is that you either deny those claims, or get ready to prove them should they become publicly known, as is bound to happen eventually. Can you imagine the reaction from the christian community?

Already on the internet many of these stories are being told, by "defectors" from the organisation. If you don't believe me look at http://guruphiliac.blogspot.com/2008/03/defection-aol-teacher-sees-light.html and it continues at
http://guruphiliac.blogspot.com/2008/04/sri-sris-shameless-flimflamming.html

Now of course these examples could just be someone trying to drag your name through the mud. It just strikes me how similar my own thougths regarding you have been recently.

I used to believe in your Divine powers, your ability to hear and answer prayers coming to you from across the globe, your ability to be present in two places at the same time, to heal the incurable etc. etc. Why shouldn't I? I was surrounded by people who were prepared to swear that their miraculous experiences in your name really happened. The fact that I myself never saw you perform any miracles -defined as "exertion of supernatural powers", something that could not be explained by reason and science- made me feel very shameful. Maybe I was not a proper devotee? Maybe I was not worthy to get a glimpse of your true, Divine being? Not strong enough? Not surrendered enough?

For many years I used to pray to you, to give me a sign -give me my own "Guru-story" that would vaporize my doubt and make my faith strong! Shame and guilt grew in me, because of my secret doubts about my Guru. I was told repeatedly on courses and TTC, that doubt was just lack of prana. As a way to compensate for my guilt, I would try my best to convince other people that you had these special powers.

The teacher's training reinforced my inner conflict. We were told countless "Guru-stories" documenting your Divine powers, and many stories going "My Guru told me to do this-and-this and I didn't and I was miserable and then I did it and everything became fine", and "this person left the organisation and look at him now he is miserable". Maybe these stories are meant to be inspiring. In me they created fear - fear of independent thoughts and actions. Fear of following my heart, should my heart tell me to do things that was not related to Art of Living. For many years I was afraid to ask your advice in personal matters. What if you told me to do something that went against my own, innner conviction? Then I would have to do it, because not doing as your Guru tells you is extremely bad karma. So I had been told. So better not ask. And then lots of guilt for not trusting you.

It seems to me that you have allowed a whole mythology to be created around your person. The closer you get to the "inner circle" around you, the more people act as if you are the ultimate answer to all the problems of the world. You are all-knowing, you posses special Divine insight etc. As a concequence, very few dare question you at all -and may even be feeding you wrong information about your own organisation, based more on what they think you might want to hear -based on your "prophecies"- than actual reality. It is certainly a joke how AOL activities and achievements are routinely exaggerated. Maybe you are surrounded by yes-sayers, of the worst kind? Certainly a strong dogma among the teachers is that you do not under any circumstances question the Guru.

At the root of every religion is the notion that "We have the ultimate truth. Everybody else are deluded". Too many people are treating Art of Living as a religion. I can't say that I blame them. I used to believe myself that you will save the world, that your ultimate and Divine knowledge will envelop the whole world. If we do nothing to stop this tendency, then I believe the Art of Living will end up just like that -another religion, of which the world has too many allready. Just recently attemps were made to throw me out of the TTC group in my country, on the grounds that "I was not adhering to the proper teachings of the Guru". It was demanded that "I declare the nature of my relationship with you". Many teachers have been blinded by faith, to the extent that declaring your proper faith becomes more important than living basic human values. The whole Guru-hype culture and in particular the massive indoctrination happening in the TTC is creating this, and I can not at present recommend teachers training, DSN or even phase three courses to anyone. The risk of getting caught up in the myths surrounding you, and thereby loosing trust in your own judgement is too big.

I have lost my faith in you as the all-knowing, almost-omnipotent, Guruji. And it is a great relief, as it has allowed me to gain faith in myself. I no longer believe in Grace as an actual thing transferred from you to me -and I am experiencing more Grace in my life than ever before! It seems to be coming from inside of me.

We were told on TTC that we were "The Chosen Ones" -hand-picked by You to spread the light in the world. And oh, it felt wonderful to be among the select few. Unfortunately it widened the distance between me and the rest of humanity (non-aol people) and made me feel increasingly lonely. After climbing down off my pedestal I feel such relief and so much more belongingness to everyone. I no longer follow the advice from TTC to "hide your attachments", I no longer feel pressure to maintain a proper front as an Art of Living teacher. I am just... me, mr. Average Joe, no better or worse than anyone else. Wonderful!

I believe I would have followed you even without the promise of enlightenment through Divine Grace. I acknowledge the tremendous, positive difference you make in people's lives. And I wonder why you allow people to attribute every single positive change to your Divine intervention, thus creating a false dependency on the Guru. As I see it, when people relax and gain knowledge, they heal themselves. It is a perfectly natural -not supernatural- thing. In fact, my innner conviction is closer to that of atheism than anything else. And frankly it offends me to read talks by you in which you claim atheists to be stupid. As if we are unable to perceive and appreciate the beauty and wonder of the world without a belief in God.

I just recently finished teaching a Basic course, and I must say -I enjoy it very much, and I would like to continue giving these courses. And although I certainly do question your judgement, particularly in regard to how you allow cultish worshipping of your person, I do not question your authority in the Art of Living. I will bring my kriya tape Saturday, and if based on this mail you do not wish me to continue teaching, I will hand it back to you, no hard feelings. I don't really expect you to change anything, purely on the basis of my humble opinion, and I am ready to drop my involvement in the Art of Living complety. I am writing this out of love for the knowledge, the organisation, it's people and... well. You.

See you saturday!
Love,
Nick.


(to be continued)

Ravishankar's hankering for the Nobel Peace Prize (part 1)

BY WHISTLEBLOWER

In spite of all his lectures to his followers on avoiding feverishness & just observe their desires & let go, Sri Sri was very feverish about getting a Nobel Peace Prize. The guy , so ever hankering for more fame and glory and power & political influence, wanted a NPP badly and was flogging his senior teachers/members of his inner circle, at full speed, to get it for him. They, in return, hoping for more recognition from the master and earning his favour, were flogging everyone else. Without any trace of shame or humility, Sri Sri , casting all cautions to the wind, was demanding his lackeys to get this NPP for him. When confronted with the question as to why a godman claiming he has no desire for fame & glory wants NPP, he would say he doesn’t want it for himself, he wanted it for his organisation to get recognition for all the good work they were doing. And when asked why he wanted recognition for the organisation (was the work being done to get recognition?) , his reply was so that with a NPP under our belt we can do more work!!!! Oh, ya!!!

Next question of course was how come Guruji, this self-claimed God & Master of universe, who had nature under his command & was reincarnation of Krishna, Christ, Shiva & God & Gurudev & Buddha what not and someone who could perform so many miracles & even bring people back from death & make things happen like magic, how come he couldn’t just wave his magic wand & get a NPP easily. And the answer , for those foolish enough to ask, was that he wanted to give his teachers and followers an opportunity to grow and learn & earn good merits!! If he would make everything happen so easily then they wouldn’t have opportunity to grow!! A reply heard many times from Guruji in sticky situations!!

In Sep 2004, all AOL centres received an email saying:

The Nobel Peace Prize (NPP) Project has been launched with Guruji’s designation of an international team to work quickly and quietly on this initiative, initially with the following members:
Peter Payoyo, overall coordinator, Netherlands
Christopher Kiran Byrt, Norway
Christoph Glaser, Switzerland
Werner Luedemann, Germany
Ewald Poeran, Netherlands
Fahri Saatcioglu, Norway

and were duly advised in the same email:

A final note: We urge everyone to be very discreet about this matter. It is the standard policy of the Nobel Committee that nominators and nominees must not publish nor advertise their nominations. Guruji’s nomination will be unnecessarily jeopardized if we allow the NPP Project to be exposed publicly. So let us all just keep the smile, keep the silence, and wish for the best.

ie, even though WE know & even though YOU know the orders for getting a NPP for Sri Sri comes from Guruji himself, we all have to keep this as a secret!!

These top echelons in turn were asking for National coordinators (NC) to assist with this project. But in no time, as Sri Sri’s pressure on them increased, they changed their tone to the NCs from one of asking them for their assistance to one of demanding for reports re how many letter of nomination they have got.

It went from:

The National Coordinator will act as a focal person for our collective efforts and will become part of the global coordination network to assist in Guruji’s NPP nomination.

to:

To the National Coordinators who have not shared any news to the International Coordination Team, you may wish to get in touch ASAP and kindly let me know what is the real score on your grounds.

In the coming days and weeks in the run up to February 1st, I and the other members of the International Coordination Team will be calling you individually by phone so that we may be able to share personal updates about progress made on the project. This is in line with the instructions given by Guruji yesterday to the effect that the International Coordination Team must call each one of the National Coordinators for encouragement and solidarity.

Guruji has the list of NPP National Coordinators and he mentioned that he is counting on you, and each one of our national coordinator-colleagues, to rush this project to the finish (end of this month) and to accomplish our mission with a smile.

In line with this latest directive from Guruji, may I therefore request each one of you to send me a.s.a.p. (at the latest this Friday night) the NAMES OF NOMINATORS whom you have approached in your own countries.

The committee members & Guruji’s secretary Jaina, would send personal emails to those involved saying things like:

Gurudev asked me to get in touch with you personally. HE said approach parliamentarians and professors... and finish the work by end of January

so there was no doubt whatsoever Guruji was personally pushing this project & exerting all pressure he could on his senior teachers & they in return were pressurizing others!

The above NPPP committee members were sending emails left & right, saying things like:

Yesterday in Brussels, I had the opportunity to talk to Guruji about our project. His message and his blessing to all of us is:

Let us work harder and give our very best to come up with many NPP nomination letters before the end of this month.

The pressure is building and is wonderfully upon us to make a miracle happen! May I enjoin everyone, in typical Art of Living fashion, to rush and make haste, and create wonders for Guruji and the NPP project during this auspicious New Year.

This Saturday, January 15th, Guruji will meet with the members of the International Coordination Team in our Ashram in Bad Antogast (yes, he will be in Germany this weekend). His instruction, relayed by phone last Sunday, is for us to come up with the LIST of people who have definitely agreed to write NPP nomination letters.

They were sending draft letters & glamorised biography of Guruji to coordinators & basically harassing them to get nomination letters, throughout quoting Guruji said this & that, making it plain obvious the orders came from Guruji himself & using it as an opportunity to boast about their closeness to Guruji!! And for these lackeys to get closer to the Guru, everyone else had to bust their butts, so they could get the credit!

Guruji met with of the NPP Project Coordination Team last Saturday afternoon in his room in the Ashram at Bad Antogast, Germany. The members of the team that went to see him were Christoph Glasser, Werner Luedemann, Ewald Poeran, and myself. Also in attendance in the meeting were some Art of Living colleagues who had an interest in the project.

Guruji was presented with the list of all confirmed nominators as of Saturday morning, which was a compilation of all the names of individual nominators that you have sent me, or which you have notified to other members of the international team. The list of confirmed nominators is subdivided into three categories: (1) those who have actually already sent nomination letters, (2) those who are already writing their nominations, and (3) those who are very likely to send nomination letters before the Feb 1 deadline. The list also indicates the NPP country/project coordinators responsible for the confirmed nominations..... Guruji went through the list page by page for several minutes. I can certainly report to you that Guruji expressed satisfaction on the fact that we have secured at least 130 confirmed nominations as of Saturday morning. It was mentioned to him there were four heads of government (1 president and 3 Prime Ministers) who have supported his nomination so far. It was also mentioned that many more new nominations will be secured in the coming days.

Guruji sends his love to all. He has also given specific instructions addressed to particular countries and coordinators which I shall communicate individually to those concerned in due course.

Guruji’s general directive remains: the members of the interntional team as well as our roving NPP project contacts will continue to call you via phone or email to facilitate progress and to exchange information up to the last day of our project. So please have patience with us on our follow-up calls, and do kindly keep the international team directly posted on the most recent developments concerning particular nominators in your own jurisdictions.

May I take this opportunity to thank all of you for the assisting in the effort to prepare the report presented to Guruji last Saturday. Gurji was certainly happy with our report, and with our overall performance thus far. May I also thank the NPP coordinators and AoL leaders who were there in the Ashram to give me personal updates concerning the NPP project in their respective countries.A full and final report on our project will be submitted to Guruji in February.

And after sending those involved particular drafts of Nomination letters & asking them to send those, suddenly they sent an email saying:

Due to widespread concern, and on account of numerous feedbacks received by the International Coordination Team, may I reiterate the following reminders:

1. The ‘model nomination letter’ circulated earlier (Word document: “Example and Elements of a Model Nomination Letter”) is for your guidance only. Use this document to get a general idea about the particular nomination letter which you need to draft, when this drafting is called for. The ‘model nomination letter’ should NOT be copied verbatim. Some nomination letters have already been forwarded to the Nobel Committee in Norway using the text of this illustrative nomination letter. The sincerity and political impact behind the massive nomination of Guruji to the 2005 NPP will be seriously impaired if there are any more letters sent to Norway using the monotonous text and style of the ‘model nomination letter’.

Henceforth, new nominations that are in the process of being obtained by NPP coordinators must ensure that the nomination letters are original and worded differently – to reflect the unique personality of the nominator, and describing his/her personal experiences with Guruji as well as the local/national situation concerning Guruji’s work. If you need any drafting assistance, please let me know.

The email below sent by the above NPPP committee exposes the sham so beautifully. It is so revealing:

The continuing CONFIDENTIALITY AND SECRECY of the NPP project – our concerted and collective campaign to solicit nomination letters for Guruji – must be absolutely maintained and protected with utmost diligence. One leakage of any single aspect of the NPP project to the public domain, or public knowledge of any written suggestion that Guruji is somehow involved in this project, will spell immediate disaster.

To preserve the integrity of our mission, I ask everyone involved to take a step back and examine each and every communication that you have sent out (especially faxes and emails) to “others”, even those addressed to other Art of Living colleagues. Please check whether you have mentioned any fact or reference about Project that may be interpreted wrongly and cause prejudice to Guruji. For example, have you communicated to some other person a message to the effect that “Guruji has instructed that he wants you to get a nomination from so and so” or, “Guruji wants to know who are nominating him” or, “Guruji is asking whether you can help us in the NPP” or, “Guruji has asked us to work fast on nominations”? If you have, please let me know a.s.a.p so that we can rectify the situation.

Lapses or mistakes along lines that could prove damaging to Guruji might have been made at the height of your eagerness or excitement to obtain nomination letters for Guruji. It is part of our responsibility to immediately correct these mistakes.

The confidentiality and low-profile approach underlying our NPP Project does not mean that what we are doing is wrong. On the contrary, we are engaged in a quiet, noble mission. The reason why we keep our Project top secret from start to finish is simple: we must not give any reason to the Nobel Committee (or political opportunist therein) to mis-characterize what we are doing as a self-promotion campaign by Guruji. The secular politics behind the selection of the Nobel Peace Prize winner will never be able to comprehend the meaning of our “Jai Guru Dev”.

And from time to time, the use of the words were so revealing too, Freudian slip perhaps,:

For NPP Coordinators and Contacts who have notified me of their 'harvest', please check the numbers reported against your own records.

As the pressure was building higher on NPPP committee members, they started to send contradictory directives. One minute it was:

Only eligible nominators must be approached to write nomination letters. Potential nominators who do not fall clearly and categorically in the list of qualified nominators should NOT be requested nor invited to write a nomination letter for Guruji. Please disregard any rumor or message saying that the Nobel Committee has relaxed its rules concerning eligibility requirements for nominators. Dignitaries or high officials who are not included in the list of nominators, are to be excluded. Stick to the relevant guidelines set in previous NPP Bulletins.

The next minute was:

At this critical juncture, Guruji’s candidacy urgently calls for our support, literally everyone’s support, to ensure victory. How do we give our support? This is what we propose to do: let us send “letters of support for Guruji” in the thousands to the Nobel Committee in Norway. The elements of this new campaign are as follows:
1. The names of the individuals and organizations officially nominated to the NPP 2005 have been published. After the nomination process, any person can now send a letter or communication or declaration to the Nobel Committee to express support for, or make a comment on, any nominee.
2. Given this opening, we are in a position to harness the power of world opinion in favor of Guruji. We will ask anyone and everyone FROM ALL WALKS OF LIFE to write a letter of support for Guruji, to endorse his candidacy to the NPP 2005, and/or to thank all those who have nominated Guruji to the NPP 2005.
3. A letter of support from anyone means exactly that – anyone inside or outside the Art of Living community can write a letter. Children, students, soldiers, policemen, prisoners, business people, government officials, households, community leaders and shakers, Muslims, Christians, professionals, migrant workers, fishers, the sick or hospitalized, those in conflict zones, the wealthy, womens’ groups, scientists, artists, politicians, school teachers, VIPs, etc., etc. – in short, anyone who cares for Guruji and his cause for peace and human values can send in a letter of support.
5. I myself have written a letter of support for Guruji, in my capacity as the head of a non-profit foundation extending care to seafarers in the Port of Rotterdam. Each one of us, and all those around us who have been touched by Guruji, can surely send a letter to support Guruji’s bid to the NPP this year.
6. The only CAVEAT is: a person should NOT identify himself or herself as affiliated with the Art of Living Foundation or the IAHV (or any other organization founded by Guruji) when s/he writes a letter of support, because this will be seen as an unethical and indirect self-promotion by Guruji. If an author cannot affiliate himself with a proper role or position (like, “as a Budhist” or “as a 10 year old child” or “as a businessman”, or “as an ordinary worker”, or “as a citizen of Norway”), then he can simply write: “as a human being who is deeply concerned with the peace situation in the world [or, peace situation in my country] , I am very happy to know that Sri Sri Ravi Shankar has been nominated to the Nobel Peace Prize. Our world will be a more harmonious and peaceful place for all if Sri Sri Ravi Shankar wins this award. So please make him win. Thank you, xxxx”, or something to this effect.

The good news is that Guruji’s candidacy, from all indications, is being taken very seriously indeed by the Nobel Committee. But Guruji is not the only leading NPP contender. There are other NPP candidates that have launched powerful, mass-based campaigns. Let us back up Guruji with the power and a force that the Nobel Committee cannot afford to ignore, namely, the inspiration and peace that Guruji has himself gifted to all who celebrate his grace.

[Did you read number 6 caveat carefully? Even though they were emailing AOL members to write these letters of support, they were telling them to lie & do not reveal their connection to AOL/Guruji. This widespread act of deceit of course was not confined to NPPP, but is a common strategy in all AOL PR. All those articles you see by so called independent journalist praising the Guru & his work are witten by AOL Teachers, his communication team & his PR machine.]

And then in their next email they would say:

It has come to our attention that the email I sent earlier this week, which was addressed to all former national coordinators of the NPP project, has been circulated indiscriminately by one or two of our colleagues, treating that email as if it were a ‘chain letter’. As a result, that email has reached people who could potentially misunderstand the purpose of our undertaking.

To avoid further confusion and misunderstanding about our enterprise, I am therefore sending out this cautionary reminder to everyone concerned:

1. The goal of our campaign is to have many 'letters of support' written and then sent to Norway. The best approach to realize this goal is to have intensive person-to-person meetings or discussions in order to explain our campaign and to get results. If a national coordinator or focal person feels that my email should be shared to other people for information purposes, then please please be extra-cautious in your choice of contacts or addressees to whom you forward that email. Make sure that only responsible and discreet colleagues get it. Like this email, that email was meant as a confidential and very personal communication.

2. This campaign is NOT Guruji’s campaign. Basically, it is a campaign of independent, like-minded individuals all over the world who believe that Guruji should win the NPP 2005. This means that it is NOT an official project of the AofL or the IAHV. To illustrate the point, may I refer you to my own letter of support (attached) which was mentioned in my last email, and which will perhaps clarify the important guideline that letter-writers should NOT be seen as AofL or IAHV officers/representatives when they write their letters of support.

Two other guidelines for your kind and immediate consideration:

4. I mentioned “children” in my last email as subjects included in our campaign. However, the focus should instead be on “young people” (or teenagers) who have achieved a certain level of maturity and discretion. So let us please focus on encouraging young but sufficiently autonomous/mature people to write letters of support for Guruji (and not little children, lest we be accused of manipulating infants for our campaign).

Yes, you read it right (#2 above), suddenly we went from Guruji designated a team to win him NPP & Guruji chairing the meeting &his hands on approach to project and Guruji said this & that to it “is not Guruji’s campaign”!!! That It had nothing to do with Guruji, it was “a campaign of independent, like-minded individuals all over the world who believe that Guruji should win the NPP 2005”.

What fun!!!

"I said YES. This was my mistake, I agree."

BY JOSH

I have gone through your blog and I really appreciate the work you have done. It has relieved me in many ways. This is an attempt to share my experience with you like others.

Recently, I was tortured, troubled and forced to go to AOL course by one of my close friend. The thing is, I was going thru bad patch of life, some emotional failures, job hurdles etc. I shared this with my (so called) friend. She started coming to my house, sending SMS, emails, early morning phone calls etc to "convince" me to go to course. This continued for 4 weeks. Already I was suffering emotional failures, so just to get rid of it, I said YES. This was my mistake, I agree.

Later on the course day, just to check whether I am really going or not, she came to my house to drop me to course location. To verify whether I am doing full time course, she kept watch during course end timings every day. I struggled to do course as I was noticing that this is FAKE. They asked to do stupid things, such as abuse person sitting in front of you and let him abuse you. Whatever he says, just smile!! This was so called as knowledge point, 'accept people as it is'. I am against compromising when I haven't done any mistakes. Then they played stupid games, asked to dance and SK. At the end Ravi Shankar chanted some mantra. I asked teacher that what is this mantra, she said "Guruji went into 10 days silence and Lord Brahma appeared in him and gave him that mantra." I was surprised. I realized that I wasted my Rs. 1250/- Then they asked to purchase gifts from gift counter and share them with course-mates. I realized that this was marketing strategy. I wasted few bucks there.

My friend came to my home saying that I can give you guruji's blessing. Asked me to close my eyes and kept hands on my head. Later she said that guruji has come via me and they are relieving you from pain. Later she started coming to my office and started asking me to get more people from office to relieve them. I was going mad. Didn't know how to get out of this nexus.

Course ended. I thought I was out of it. But I realized I made a mistake by leaving my address details and phone numbers with them. After 2-3 days, teacher along with there colleagues came to my apartment. They asked me to gather set of people so that they can 'spread' the word. I strongly opposed them. They asked why? I told them I don't have faith in them. They asked - in whom you have faith? I told as I am Buddhist, I have faith in Lord Buddha. I am not die-hard follower but I have some faith in him. I was shocked with there reaction. They said this: "Lord Buddha is dead. Our Guruji is alive and god resides in him. Why are you following a god who is dead? Follow Guruji, the Living God. As he is alive, he can sense your feelings. Forget Buddha, Follow Guruji" I was shocked, how can they play with such feelings? I strongly insisted them to go out of my apartment and not to call me again. They replied: "Foolish people learn from own experience, wise people learn from others experience." They left and I was relieved a bit. I thought its over, but was unaware of there nexus.

Next morning, I stared getting SMSs about following kriya from my friend. I was tired of this. I thought as she is a Doctor, well educated and from well established family, I had to quit this friendship.

Atlast I am out of this AOL nexus and living a happy life. Suggesting people to read your blog. I have already sent your blog link to her to realize the truth.

Thanks for doing this graceful work. Keep it up!!

The chair is sizzling

In order to be “somebody” in the AoL, one has to go through the hot chair at least once. It is a process done in DSN (a requisite for TTC) and in TTCs. RS explains one has difficulties criticizing and being criticized and both are an indication of ego. Thus, the infamous “hot chair.”

Though I agree with this “knowledge point”, I believe criticism should be constructive instead of random and destructive. Unfortunately the “hot chair” was more an exercise in which the teacher vented all his/her unresolved power issues and frustrations, and the participants their aggression and fears. By the end, the participants were broken down, vulnerable, demoralized, some traumatized, perfectly ready to be manipulated and brain-washed (a common exercise done in cults).

I remember a woman being yelled horrible words, including “slut!!! bitch!!!” just because she has big breasts. A gay man was called, “Fagget!” and many other demeaning things related to his sexuality. Another, who confessed she had been beaten up by her husband and had an abortion, which she still, 20 years later, felt guilty about, was yelled, “You deserved to be beaten up! Look at you! Who would want to be born to you! You deserved it! You bitch!” Can someone please explain how this can help anyone in a positive way? Definitely, neither the one criticized nor the one criticizing. It is not criticism, it is insulting. Worse, insulting in the name of knowledge, spiritual growth and “your own good”!

Teachers often misused their power and this exercise in various ways. I remember, for example, there was a teacher who wanted to get rid of someone. She thought this man was not worthy of being a teacher (although he had been made one) because he was “gay, fat, ugly and poor” (her words). She, the head in her community, gathered the rest of the teachers and the board just to put the man on the “hot chair”. It was demoralizing and abusive. I reckon the person had a lot more studies, knowledge and centeredness than many other teachers of the area. Unfortunately, they simply did not like him, felt threatened by him and were jealous of him. Not only did this person leave the AoL but it took him years to overcome the trauma it caused.

Looking back I see love was often used as an excuse to abuse someone. “This is all for your growth, to make you stronger, see how much the guru loves you.” Whenever one was abused, one was given that explanation. I guess, love can kill too.

I remember once the organization and the guru had done something horrible. My students, confused, asked a senior teacher why they were treating me so poorly. Her explanation was, “Understand that the more you are attacked and suffer in the AoL the more it means you are evolving.” For heaven’s sake! Some twisted thinking we followed!

I remember always asking, even when I became a teacher, how come so many senior teachers were still so nuts and mean if they had dedicated so many years to the path. The answer would be, “Oh, but you should have seen how he/she was before!” Funny, I found myself giving the same answer many years later, when perhaps, the correct one was, “this is just a sect, there is no growth here, it is all an excuse.”

Someone who was beaten up by the man RS told her to be with, was told she had to observe her own violence because she obviously was provoking the beating. The point about “we attract violence because there is violence within us” (the famous Gandhi example Shankar makes: Gandhi, the man who preached non-violence, died in a violent way because he was violent to his wife and to himself) is not always valid. Everything needs to be applied with logic and reason, rather than to justify “the means to the end”. What was so violent about Tibetans before the Chinese took over, tortured and killed? What is so violent about a child who is raped and killed? Of course, I can almost hear someone whisper, “past life karma.” Come on!

Anyway, some wicked lousy arguments we listened to and followed! Challenging them made one a rebel, with shaky faith, no devotion, lacking surrender.

What is even more funny is the man who preaches about the value of criticizing and being criticized cannot and does not like to be on the chair himself. If you never want to be in bad terms with Ravishankar, NEVER tell him you disagree with him or that something he did is wrong. Like, never tell him his organization lacks ethical practices and values, or that his teachers are bad, or that the Silver Jubilee was not really that successful and people were unhappy, or that an article someone wrote about him with some negative remarks were actually quite accurate. In any case, failures and mistakes are always ours, and achievements and glories always his.

I am often surprised by the reactions of AoLers leaving comments in this blog – aggressive and quite off-centered, and the fact that RS is apparently worried about the existence of it. Is this what I think is happening? RS is shaking on his hot chair! Yet he still does not and cannot understand this blog is not interested in destroying his organization, but rather to offer people a space to express themselves and find healing. Not everyone needs to agree with AoL/RS or think AoL/RS are the best. If they see it as a criticism of their actions and people, there is a lot I guess they should ponder about their own ego, maturity and hidden agenda.

Apparently the head of the AoL marketing department (what a joke) and the US board are planning a meeting with RS to discuss how the blog has become a virus for the organization. Apparently even teachers are disturbed and having doubts after reading the blog.

1. If none of these stories resonated a little bit with ones experiences, then one would neither have doubts nor feel disturbed. On the other hand, many who have left, actually find healing with the blog because they identify with many stories.

2. If the organization really was about spirituality and its guru so great, then why even discuss “the blog” at the board level or at all? If a program is good, no virus could affect it. (I wonder if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have a board meeting to discuss all the news published about them. Imagine then Berlusconi would be in meetings only to discuss the press!).

3. The blog is overflowed by comments and emails from AoLers “daring” and “demanding” to be published. They are full of rage, hatred, often, quite imbalanced. Beloved ones, we left an abusive relationship and we will not enter another one, especially with mini-SriSris, thus, please don’t boss us around and tell us what to do. So far we posted every comment, unlike Bawa and Dinesh who only post those in favor of their voice. However, there is no room in this blog for AoL abuses nor demanding tone. Having been slaved and slapped around for whatever time was enough. On the other hand, we have received many messages from former members thanking the blog and requesting we keep this going as well as the space for healing. Thus, this is what will be respected.

4. If the organization really was about spirituality and the teachings effective, why do their followers write with so much rage, hatred and off centered? Why do they even check out the blog? Why do they perceive it as a personal attack towards them? Why are they even sending damage control teams to police activities of freedom of speech? We are all free to believe whatever we want, and it is OK if not everyone thinks AoL and RS are the best. It is time to grow up and realize it is OK.

5. It is interesting, when one is in disagreement with “them”, they label it as “bad energy” or “negativity.” But if they are in disagreement with “us”, they are “righteous and evolved.”

6. By the way, they have even tried to "hack" the account by sending faking an mail from "Gmail" requesting our full name, password, phone number and country within 7 days, otherwise, our account will be closed. Unbelievable. Why all this fear? If it is that good, why fear anything at all? It is more a mafia than a spiritual organization. Where did the spirituality go?

Can someone please find logic to any of these points?
What about you don’t see intentions behind my actions and I accept you as you are?

What can I say? It seems not even Ravishankar lives the knowledge and certainly his asana is sizzling. But don't worry, as we were often told, "It will be good for your ego and your growth. We love you."