Food for Thought: Does it really matter?

As sad and disrespectful as it may seem, I only have one statement to make, “I really don’t care.” Do you realize this one incident is very insignificant in the world that matters? What does it matter if it was meant for Ravishankar or someone else? What does it matter if it was a terrorist attack or an internal rivalry? It won’t change my life and it certainly won’t change yours. It may, however, change the lives of those who are still in the AoL, but that is also not a problem. I thank my aggressors every minute for having helped me get out of that blurry world.

The fact I write about it does not mean anything other than I am writing about it, just as a journalist writes about a story. There are days I have more time to moderate the comments, and there are days I don't. There are days I don't care, there are days I feel motivated to. It is only clicking a button after all! Writing for this blog has helped me see through a lot of things in me and in the AoL phenomena, as I understand it has also helped many current and former devotees process their confusion and pain. It was not just me. I know there are a lot out there going through what I went through for so long.

The only thing that makes me sad though is to see the hatred, feverishness, fanaticism, thought process, lust, greed, immaturity that the AoL commentators project with their comments. Yet, with all due respect, of course, they are convinced they make smart remarks and are absolutely correct in their conclusions. Where did the spirituality go? How can they teach and spread spirituality when they handle those who don't agree with them this way? At least I am not teaching anymore and probably, like many, I should have never taught at all. It is not just about reciting a few cute phrases or counting 4-4-6-2 or pressing a play button to a So Ham tape. Not even Ravishankar lives the knowledge, and if the teachings led people to true spirituality, then many things that happen, would not happen, and an AoL police would not be here together with other devotees posting with aggression. There is a lot more responsibility involved than one fathoms in teaching those courses. I would think true spirituality should lead one to greater humbleness and all-encompassion.

However, their minds and practice are all about good vs. bad, you vs. me, us vs. they, policing those who do not agree or control, whether they are out or in the AoL. Sadly, it happens also to teachers and volunteers inside the organization! But, as I grew out of it, I found out life is a lot more than that!

Believing that those who do not agree or do not see RS as the God almighty does not mean anything but simply that. What happened with “not seeing intentions behind people’s mistakes” then? Why can’t they see it as just as mistake? There is a lot of ignorance in the world and as far as it concerns me, it is all relative. Maybe I am ignorant for not seeing Ravi as god, maybe they are ignorant for seeing Ravi as god. At the end of the day, does it really matter? The truth is it only matters to them.

Some of the people whose comments are the most nasty are people I remember way back when they just joined the movement and/or even before they became teachers. Most of them were very nice and sweet people. Somehow, inevitably, as people become teachers and get more and more involved, something shifts and the niceness disappears. I wonder what will happen to these people if AoL falls one day, or if RS decides to run away with USD 7 million like Nithyananda did.

There is no good vs. bad, no us vs. they. As far as it concerns me, they can blame me of anything they want, insult as much as they need to. Of course, with an incident that hits so close, someone needs to be blamed because otherwise it could only mean there are problems inside the organization and RS. How can anyone, but a disgruntled idiot, not like RS? I was shocked myself when I found out there are many out there! Reading the Guruphiliac and other articles that questioned the AoL or denounced certain discrepancies was perhaps one of the most shocking yet liberating experiences after I left the organization. I had been convinced for so many years AoL was the best and if anyone doubted it, it was due to ignorance, jealousy, bad karma, low prana. One of the most embarrassing moments in my recent life was when someone asked the name of the organization I belonged to for so many years and a day later, having not shared anything about it or the reason why I left, said, “How long did it take you to realize it is a scam?” I was stunned. How did it take me so many years to realize but one second for this guy? To make matters worse, as the first AoL hate comments started flowing into the blog yesterday, I sent a few to him to see and he said, “You are not taking them seriously, are you? These people act like teenagers and write brainlessly!” Again. How did it take me so long to realize this but one second for this guy?

Thus, I always come back to the question: what inside me did not allow me to see thru the truth and instead permitted so much abuse in my life? What was wrong in me? I don't hate them. I know they have no other choice but to attack me and anyone else in my similar stand. People like me challenge the comfort zone in their mind and heart. If anything, I feel bad for them. Nothing about the AoL comes with peace, soothingness, belongingness, harmony. Do I remember those days!

Of course, reading these hate mails is not fun (and I know it upsets many) but it certainly confirms my decision to leave this toxic community. I pat myself in the back realizing I no longer fear them and my mind is clearer everyday. Sadly, I probably had become zombie like them at some point or the other. It is impossible not to when that is your environment, association, language and education, and when one is trained to be and think that way. It is impossible to reason with them. It is impossible to reason with arrogance, self-righteousness and greed. They have their fanaticism to defend, but beyond that, they have feelings and a life to defend and justify. Waking up to the truth, questioning the validity of it all is a lot more painful. I went through it. I know.

They take this blog as a personal attack, they see intentions, they fire hatred, as if I was the only one who thinks and feels this way and in an act they are convinced is "ahimsa". How contradictory of all their teachings and actions? Maybe I was the first one to have the courage to express myself in a written form, publicly. But there are many out there too. Perhaps Vinay was luckier for getting only one bullet in his thigh. These bullets of hatred and insanity in the form of comments and blog persecution are a lot worse. But, unfortunately, nothing that is not familiar to me of the AoL days. Fortunately, I was well groomed for it during my extensive stay with them.

Believe it or not, I don’t care if AoL falls or not, if RS comes out of the closet or not (not in the sexual connotation). I repeat, this blog is just my journal to help me heal and deprogram. If I was interested in exposing or defaming, I would be writing different stories, with full names and details. This blog has served its purposed in marvelous ways and thru the writing, I have gained "consciousness" after a long deadly comma.

Art of Living-free people: please do not waste anymore time with this incident. It really does not matter who was the target nor the contradictions of the stories. We left. We are free. We own our minds and lives again. Is there anything more important than that? Just sit back, relax, let them feel important and enjoy the fun of the drama. Someone will tell you the end of the story. Whether the truth of the incident is unveiled or not, it also does not matter. Not everything that is good prevails and not everything that is bad falls. The only thing that matters is we are free! And it certainly feels SO GOOD to be Art of Living-free!

I do wish everyone the best. I do wish my former friends find peace beyond the indoctrination and fanaticism. I do wish Ravi the best too. He is a guy who started with good intentions (I hope) and I do hope that at some point, he remembers what they were.

The only truth is there is a lot more to the world than the Art of Living. The Art of Living does not even account for 1% of the world population and, just as it came, so shall it go. It is the nature of life. Wasn’t that one of the pillars of knowledge?

It is all changing.

Peace.