Knock, knock, who is there?

AoL is an organization which teachings and organization itself encourage people to leave the families, or at least to be distant from them, eg. every Xmas you prefer to spend it with the Guru in Germany, or every summer vacation, or any free time you have, you need to go wherever to be with him. Or ultimately, you were busy working for a "higher cause" and that was a sacrifice we had to do over anything else - "In the long-term, one would see the results". Under this model, debts were common amongst people, if not, highly encouraged. After all, you did not want to miss out the chance to be in His presence since that itself was a merit, Grace and removed karma! and, so much fun (note: at some point, nothing else that belonged to the so-called world provided one with any pleasure anymore). This created a degree of competitiveness amongst the followers: who gets to be with Him more is "luckier", is getting "more knowledge/ higher knowledge/ good energy". The same was considered about those who could enter his room more often or travel with him more often or drive him. Curiously, he often invited the very wealthy or prestigious people to travel with him, and he often allowed only those with very nice cars to drive him.

Often people would state things such as "oh, he looks so much brighter, he was definitely in Guruji's room all day", or one felt lesser than others who could join him in the room or trips - "I missed out some higher knowledge. He is letting him/her in because he/she is more evolved". People fought with each other, pushed each other, became enemies in trying to reach these goals. In trying to get into someone’s room, or drive a car, or spend thousands of dollars you did not have! The irony is, nothing happened in that room, only mere dullness, CNN or reading of emails, or a bunch of boys massaging his feet, shoulders, head, caressing him, showing their affection in countless ways. In a car ride he often did not say anything, only meditated, snored, or read emails. Everything could happen except “higher knowledge”, unless of course, there was someone new or VIP he needed to seduce.

Under this model, one could conclude that wealthy people have more merits, Grace and good karma than those who have less. “They must have done something very good in a past life!” (no matter if they were nice or not, the important thing was how much money they had and how much they were worth to the organization). Note, this created an "us/ they" model within the community too, more so because SSRS evidently gave more attention to the wealthy or those who could provide him with something.

One could also consider that men have better karma than women since men could get into the room more easily and for longer hours than women. In fact, I dare state that women were used to do the work, and boys had the luck to play with him. An Indian man who was always in his room once told me it was all about karma: “to be born a man is better karma."

The feeling of worthlessness, or being less than others, inspired a feverishness to do more to get His attention, in order to get closer to him or get his approval. Looking back, I feel it distracted us from the original reason that brought us there and, instead, distanced us from ourselves, our inner peace, our centeredness, our self-value, and created conflicts with others.