Behind the holy door

In the AoL, being able to be with the Guru in his room was a priceless situation. People fought and discriminated in order to be in there. There were those who could walk in and out whenever, and those who could only go in if they had some good excuse/reason, and those who often were outside and were allowed to go in by default. Most everyone wanted to be there. It was the big mysterious place.

I was inside the room many times when he’d made the doorman tell people he was busy in some meeting when the truth was he was watching TV or playing with the boys. Meanwhile, people outside would be fighting amongst them. One learned to find out who was a “blue star” one had to avoid if one wanted to ensure green light into his room. It was often said that if you were around certain people he’d feel it and not let you come in.

“He knows everything. He can feel your energy, if it is low he won’t let you go in.” Come on! He often had to ask who was out there! Does he or does he not know everything?

There was a belief that being in the presence of the master karma was removed, that he gave high knowledge and that it was a great deal of fun. In truth, it was most boring and dreadful! He did not give high knowledge, CNN did, and he mostly was either discussing business, criticizing or making fun of people, or being massaged, while a few read his letters. You needed to pretend to be busy or that you had something important to discuss.

As a teacher I so often encouraged people to write to him: “He reads all your letters. Give him all your problems, he will take them away from you.” I have many times read letters sent to him and sent back replies too (it is not true he reads them, a bunch of immature power hungry people do, and they do NOT keep your stuff private, they later discuss it with their friends). I used to write to him all the time myself until one day I witnessed one of the most denigrating scenes.

A full-time teacher sent him a fax with the word “confidential” written all over it. He did not seem to care about the privacy of it and instead he started reading it out loud to us, mocking every line and her situation. She was going through a difficult divorce and the challenge of taking care of 4 kids while being a full timer. He called her names, made fun of her, laughed intensely. The few people in there would laugh with him too. I remember feeling extremely embarrassed. As I heard and observed my peers and my guru laughing at the poor woman’s pain, I did not have any expression other than that of shock. I knew this woman. I knew her struggle. I knew about her grief. There was nothing funny about it and he had no business reading a confidential letter to any one of us and even less, make fun of someone who had reached out to him in his role as a Guru.

Some time later I wrote him a personal email regarding some personal situations. A few months later, during an event, one of the teachers who is always in his room, stopped me in the corridor and mentioned my email in mocking tone. That was the last time I wrote a personal letter to him. That is how much he respects people, their privacy, integrity, evolution and sorrow. That is how much compassion and unconditional love he has backstage. That is the extent of the high knowledge one got in his holy room.

I clearly remember once a new devotee insisted to talk to him. Her teacher had told her to do so because only the Master could do something about her situation. She sat in a small corner while we discussed business until he finally paid attention to her. In an irritated and impatient tone he asked her to speak out her problem. In absolute shyness, discomfort and sadness she requested he gave her a private time. I remember I was ready to get up and leave when I heard her speak those words. She evidently had something very private to discuss. Instead he raised his voice and harshly said, “Speak! Whatever it is, speak! Why? You feel you don’t belong to these people?” She insisted a few more times, crying at this point, but he trashed her more and more until she bursted out crying and rushed out the door (probably more depressed and abused than she was before walking into the “holy room”).

For a long time I justified the episode as a lesson about belongingness. For Heaven’s sake! What was I thinking!

Ladies and Gentlemen, nothing much happens in that room except a small man trying to conquer the world, trashing people and getting pampered. What about the following scene? One boy rubbing his left foot, another his right foot, another one arm, another his head and shoulders, another placing his head on his other shoulder, Ravi watching CNN. I am not kidding.